Modern Horror in Modern Warfare

I’m trying to have my review of Motorstorm: Arctic Front ready by Friday, but it isn’t easy pulling myself away from Modern Warfare 2. I tried to have it ready the day before the game’s launch, but the excitement proved too distracting.

I bought the game on launch, naturally. Just the basic vanilla edition for poor old me, and they sure made the package inadequate; I can’t remember the last time I bought a game with a manual so small.

But who cares, really? There is hardly a gamer on the planet who wouldn’t purchase this highly, highly anticipated sequel. Well, except for Wii owners.

In case you’re wondering, I’m not reviewing the game. The purchase was a personal gift from me to myself, and you don’t need me to tell you that it lives up to the hype, and then some. Incidentally, you didn’t need me to tell you that Uncharted 2 was awesome, but I digest.

I’m using this post to talk about one specific aspect of MP2, namely the level titled “No Russian”. You might have heard from the usual (and bitching) sources about a controversial moment that takes place in the game. You’re even warned upon starting up about the impending moment of terrorism, and are even given the option to skip it without missing any achievements.

You’d be missing out on a crucial setup to the game’s heavy-hitting story, though. Having played through it, I wanted to share my thoughts about this one level, as it’s been a while that something in a videogame got me to thinking so profoundly.

I’ll spell it out in big letters for those of you skimming through:

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR MODERN WARFARE 2 LEVEL “NO RUSSIAN”. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

The original Modern Warfare was no stranger to controversy and shock value. In the game’s second level, you are thrust into the POV of a usurped middle eastern president who is being driven to his public execution. The entire sequence was quite brutal, giving you a front row seat to a first person bullet to the brain, delivering a level of virtual reality few other games have the stones to carry out. And I loved Infinity Ward for it.

It wasn’t much of a surprise to learn that MW2 would feature a similar moment meant to convey the required emotions for dealing against a violent terrorist. In the sequel, the event doesn’t occur until the third level (or fourth if you count the tutorial prologue); before the level starts, you’re given the explanation that you’re in the POV of a CIA agent posing as a Russian terrorist, who has been placed to earn the trust of the established villain Makarov, while secretly gathering intel on Makarov’s true objective (as if his public reports about “more bombings” and “death to America” weren’t obvious enough).

It didn’t take much to know where they were going with this, and I was already on the edge of my seat once the level booted up. Taking place inside a Russsian airport, Makarov and his men casually stroll inside while decked out in full killing gear, and without any demands or primary announcements, they begin to open fire on all the unaware civilians. And you, the “hero”, are privy to this horrific act…and are given the option to partake in the event.

I haven’t yet seen what, if anything, occurs if you choose not to open fire on the civilians. It could be that there’s no penalty for playing the pacifist in this scene, and Infinity Ward merely wanted to give players the option to engage in the murder spree while coming up with their own moral choices; maybe some players begrudgingly open fire, giving in to their virtual orders that they must give up “a piece of themselves” in order to “save many”; maybe some trigger happy GTA fans happily engage in the violence, repressing their inner desires to commit such atrocities in real life (God hoping). Me? I took the actor role and directed my shots at nearby vending machines, exploding signs, and just mainly pretended to be shooting at the panic-stricken public without actually hitting any of them. I did a 2nd run where I did freely shoot up the airport, and came out feeling worse than I did the first time.

Make no mistake, the game revels in the shocking violence occurring, but it doesn’t glorify it; the haunting music, the terrified screams, and the half-speed pacing indicates that this is an evil event that you’re witnessing, regardless of whether you take part in it or not. As a game, I was hoping my actions to not take innocent lives would result in an achievement or such, but again, they probably wanted players to come up with their own moral decisions. Sadly, once the massacre ends, you’re forced to engage against armed security. If you want to finish the level, you’ll have to take these guys down, although they certainly put up more of a fight than the men and women who were slaughtered earlier. It’s pretty disillusioning to witness a horrific event and then immediately resume to playing the game as normal, although MW2 certainly isn’t the first title to pull that (FFVII’s famous 1st disc moment can attest to that. FYI, I lost that battle the first time, and had to witness the tragic scene twice in a row).

Much like the first game, this level ends with a bullet to the brain; Makarov wasn’t fooled by the American’s disguise, in fact his whole plan was based on putting the blame on the US for the attack. This revelation not only brings to light what an evil bastard Makarov is, it also sets up the stage for the worst fictional attack America has ever faced. Suffice to say, the controversial and grimly realistic moments of the game don’t end with this level. In fact, they all originate from it.

Naturally, lots of people are ready to step up and complain about this “player controlled terrorism” from the game, doing everything they can to defraud videogames. I can agree with them in this instance that it is a controversial moment, but like I said before, I love Infinity Ward for having the balls to do it. I felt personally distraught from witnessing the grimly realistic massacre, but I’m also glad that the game managed to secure an emotional impact from me. It only increases my motivation to play through and mow down the bastards responsible, and to ultimately enjoy one of the best games released this generation.

Happy Halloween: The 10 Essential Chasers

It’s my favorite time of the year. When Christmas gets too Sesame Street and Thanksgiving gets too dry (as in the turkey), Halloween has always been a steady month of kick-ass, from costumes to movies.

And let’s not forget the survival horror games; regardless of the season, I love playing survival horror, and my all-time favorite element that almost every game shares is the Chaser type of enemy.

For those unaware, Chasers refer to recurring enemies that appear at different, often random points of the game to stalk your controllable character, with the sole purpose of dismembering him or her should it manage to get close enough. Chasers are kind of like a boss that follows you throughout the game, except the majority of them can’t be killed, but merely stalled while you make your quick getaway.

Monstrous, unstoppable, and always one step behind you, Chasers have always left lasting impressions on gamers including myself, and in the spirit of Halloween, I’m sharing my 10 choices for the essential Chasers.

Get your supplies ready, and read on.

1. Nemesis (Resident Evil 3: Nemesis)

Starting things with my all-time favorite Chaser (in fact, that’s his official Japanese name), the Nemesis exemplifies everything that makes these gaming enemies so terrifying. A superhuman zombie that doesn’t follow any of the zombie rules, Nemesis runs like a marathon jogger (years before the 28 movies made the concept popular), isn’t bound by locked doors, takes nearly a quarter of ammunition to bring down (and he doesn’t stay down long), and even comes equipped with his own freaking rocket launcher.

No seriously, a zombie with a rocket launcher.

But what makes Nemesis really stand out to this day is the fact that his appearances are half-scripted, half-random. You could pass by an area where he’s prone to attack you, only to not have him show up at all. A few minutes later, relieved, you may get surprised as he drops down a five story roof as you make your way past the seemingly deserted city block. A truly frightening enemy no matter how good a player you think you are, Nemesis will always be the ultimate Chaser.

2. Pyramid Head (Silent Hill 2…and its sequels)

Of course you knew I’d add in this guy, right? More popular than Nemesis, but not as manic a Chaser, it’s impossible to forget Pyramid Head once you lay eyes on him for the first time. As if the mysterious, but ultimately frightening appearance wasn’t enough, your first ever encounter with the silent executioner has him doing….well, this.

Years later, there are people who still can’t believe what they just saw. I’ll certainly never forget my expletive reaction to first witnessing it.

Yet despite his shocking introduction, Pyramid Head is a much quieter Chaser than most, becoming more of a psychological monster, like a visual representation of madness and torment that stalks James as he grows closer and closer to the horrible truth about his wife, and himself. When PH does decide to compliment your inner pain with a healthy dose of outer pain, he’s relatively easy to evade, but during those scripted moments where he requires your undivided attention, you can be certain that there’s no escape.

3. Mr X (Resident Evil 2)

Resident Evil 2 was the first game I ever played that featured the “survival horror” moniker, a phrase invented by the series, even though the genre existed beforehand. Regardless, RE2 was my first “official” entry into the genre, and what a great introduction it was. As if playing through one zombie-ridden campaign wasn’t enough, the game had a second scenario to look forward to upon completion, adding new areas, encounters, and most importantly: Mr X.

The precursor to Nemesis, and in many ways his complete opposite, this trench-coat wearing Tyrant played it oldschool, silently waiting in the shadows, his massive steps being the only indicator that he was waiting for you. Considering his slow movements, Mr X should be theoretically easy to avoid; too bad he has a habit of facing you in tight hallways, using his massive size to keep you boxed in.

Mr X is also responsible for what is probably my biggest jump moment in gaming, shown here at 3:20.

You simply can’t top that. Glass windows were always prime indicators that monsters may be afoot, but solid walls? All bets were off by then.

4. Lisa Trevor (Resident Evil GC Remake)

Yet another creature from Resident Evil. Shouldn’t be surprising, since it was the series that popularized both the horror and Chaser genre.

But by all accounts, Lisa is the most terrifying and tragic of all the game monsters. Separated from her family at a young age, Lisa was subjected to horrific experiments for decades, producing no results due to a bizarre immune system, but also gradually growing more insane in the process. Eventually, all those dormant viruses took hold of her, mutating her into an undead creature so horrific, she hides her deformed face with the skin flap of her mother’s.

Even by Silent Hill standards, that is seriously messed up. Quite a surprise that it was a Resident Evil game that was responsible for this tragic terror, and it’s a bit tragic how the series degenerated (somewhat) into parody afterward. Personally, I hope for the day that Capcom returns the series to its grim (re)beginnings set forth by the Gamecube remakes.

5. Jason (Friday the 13th)

For this choice, I’m going oldschool (in more ways than one). Okay, so the Friday game on the NES hasn’t exactly aged well….actually, it wasn’t that good to begin with.

But what it did do well was the jump scares, possibly the first console game to incorporate them. Jason’s sudden appearances were completely random, and would almost always elicit a jump from players regardless of age. The most tense moments took place inside cabins, where players had to save a fellow camp counselor from Jason, who was confirmed to be lying in wait somewhere. You could spend half an hour searching all the corners of each wall until Jason’s hulking figure (and that dreadfully tense music) greeted you in the shadows. And all you’ve got is a rock.

6. Debilitas (Haunting Ground)

An under-appreciated PS2 game, Haunting Ground did a lot of things right, and also exclusively featured numerous Chasers who seek out the bouncy bouncy Fiona as she bounces her way around a massive mansion. The most recognizable Chaser in that game, though, was the first one; Looking like a cross between Quasimodo and that dude from The Goonies, Debilitas was an absent-minded, but also psychotic hulk of a hunchback who really wants Fiona for….well, let’s just say the Game Over screen opens up a lot of disturbing thoughts.

But what makes Debilitas unique is that he’s actually a sympathetic Chaser; his obsession with Fiona seems stemmed from loneliness along with dementia; during one cutscene, we briefly observe Fiona through his point of view.

What we originally saw as a frightened young girl is suddenly depicted as a smiling goddess in his eyes. It’s an unsettling look into a demented mind, but it’s also rather pitiable.

7. Dr Salvador (Resident Evil 4)

Yep, it’s another nomination from Resident Evil. And yep, the “chainsaw guy” does have a name. What exactly he is a doctor of is never explained, but that all becomes irrelevant once you hear the chainsaw motor and that horrible wail that soon follows. While it may be debatable to classify Salvador as a Chaser, since he can be permanently put down, and the subsequent appearances afterward could just be other loonies with potato sacks and chainsaws, but considering the fear this guy or guys cause from that creepy howl and instant decapitation (at least in the NA version) assures a spot in this list.

8. SA-X (Metroid Fusion)

Okay, so technically Metroid isn’t a horror series. I could fight with you over that, but I won’t. However, the general concept and ferocity of SA-X makes her(?) deserve a spot on my list.

Remember how badass you felt in Super Metroid once you received all weapons and upgrades, completely destroying every monster that blocked your path? You can bet it wasn’t as fun being on the receiving end of that arsenal, as the SA-X proved. Completely possessing Samus’ post-game powers, SA-X was a silent killing machine that stalked the corridors searching for its original owner, immediately dispatching charged beams and super bombs once it sets its sights on Samus. Sadly, SA-X’s appearances are rather brief in the game, but they’re still memorable encounters. Dark Samus has got nothing on the SA-X.

9. Berserker (Gears of War)

So most of the Locust enemies from Gears of War look like knockoffs of Frisky Dingo’s Kill Face.

Not the most intimidating threat, to be honest. But the Berserker is a giant, hulking exception, a rampaging female (typical…just kidding) that tears down everything in its path, relying on her keen hearing to make up for her blindness in order to take down Marcus and his steroid-heavy crew. For a loud action game that requires you to shoot everything in front of you, the stealth-like aspects of the Berserker encounters coupled with the gorgeous graphics make these tense escapes one for the history books.

Not having Berserkers in Gears of War 2 probably added to its list of problems.

10. Silent Hill (Silent Hill Series….except the fourth one)

Confused? Don’t be. While the Silent Hill series is notorious for its laundry list of hideous monsters, many people overlook the fact that the town of Silent Hill is, in itself, a living entity. Whenever the town seeks a new prey to envelop, it always manages to lead them to the cursed town no matter where they may be. Once the characters are trapped in the belly of the beast, they are driven mad by their inner demons, which transform into physical ones seeking to devour them. With an out-of-season weather system, an instant shift from day to night, and nonstop terror on every street corner, Silent Hill is the ultimate Chaser….because it has already taken a hold of you.

Honorable Mention: Scissorman

Before you Clock Tower fans begin to flood my comments box asking why I didn’t include Scissorman, the truth of it is that I’ve never actually played any games starring the manic killer. I just recently gave the SNES original a spin, but the incredibly slow pacing may be within my tolerated limits. Still, a midget with gigantic head-chopping sheers? Sure, I’ll acknowledge him. I’d like to see him in a better game, though.

I came for a Fight, and walked into a Brawl

So today I made my way to Gamestop to collect my pre-ordered Tekken 6 bundle, a package I was looking forward to for quite some time. Not only did it mark the official launch of Tekken 6, which looks like a jam-packed brawler with sweet motion blur, but it also included the wireless arcade stick, the first wireless third party accessory for the 360.

When it came to fighting games, I mostly avoided purchasing the 360 versions, as the horrendous d-pad was not friendly toward veterans of down+down-forward+forward+button mashers. The Tekken 6 arcade stick offered a sweet alternative, and was wireless to boot. The way the 360 dangles atop my TV would have made corded controllers a visual eyesore.

The game was approved by Massive Damage for review, which meant they’d foot the bill, but only on the game itself. Still, getting a chunk off of the $150 price tag was still acceptable, and I also decided to purchase a $10 used copy of Yakuza on the PS2, as I’ve been in the mood to finish it after a previous sampling some time ago.

You think the Wii-sized box bundle and the lengthy Japanese brawler would be enough to satisfy me, but along the way home I decided to stop by my local Blockbuster, which sadly was on the verge of closing.

Tragic though that may be, closing stores also mean big sales.

Well, I do have that wireless arcade stick now, so I figured why not give it a test run with some fighting games I originally put off?

For $7 each, I nabbed Dead or Alive 4 and Virtua Fighter 5. The former, I’m told, is pretty unplayable online, but since the DOA games tend to have a wealth of extra content and CG, and tend to be flashy, quick fun, I figured it was worth the price. This, of course, isn’t mentioning the massive, bouncing honkers that will no doubt take up half of my ‘45 screen. As for VF5, I’ve heard nothing but praise for its online and fighting mechanics, although in all honesty I never was a big fan of the franchise; by skipping out on any story modes or cutscenes, I never identify with any of the cookie cutter fighters. That’s considered a good thing for fans wanting to just step into the brawl, but if they really believe VF’s Akira is as memorable as SF’s Ryu, they’re seriously deluding themselves.

Also, headphones. I needed new headphones, and they were on a discount.

Man, I’ve played a lot of stuff this year.

Review Roundup

So I figured after my last review, things would quiet down for a while. I was fine with that, since it would give me time to get re-acquainted with my Xbox 360. In addition to continuing my sessions with Fallout 3 (a major timesink) and Tales of Vesperia (a solid RPG), I’ve also been itching to replay Bioshock, this time on the hardest setting and with no respawning (go Achievements!).

But I was wrong. In less than a week I have been flooded with new titles to review, as well as the news of other forthcoming games. It’s almost maddening just sorting out my calendar to fit these games in. Needless to say, if you’ve enjoyed my work so far, you’ll be in for a treat in the coming weeks.

In no particular order, I will be reviewing:

The Munchables (Wii): I took a look at the cover and immediately thought “what did I do to deserve this?”, but after some youtube trailers, it looks like it could be a decent Katamari-style game.

Battlefield 1943 (PSN): A downloadable code for this game was sent to me late at night, at the height of my Xbox Live re-kindling. I shrugged at first, having never played a Battlefield game, as well as being less than eager to switch off my 360, but a couple of minutes was enough to leave me pleasantly surprised.

Trine (PC): This game’s been getting quite a bit of hype, and I was fortunate enough to try an exclusive demo. It’s got an interesting mechanic and charm, but I need to play through most of it before I can make a final judgment call.

Cogs (PC): This one’s a bit of a late bloomer, as I goofed thinking my download code was for a preview build, when in fact it was the complete game. Regardless, I’ll try to add a bit of awareness, since it is a cute and simple little puzzle game.

Monkey Island SE (PC): Confession: I have never played a Monkey Island game. My only experience with LucasArts is Maniac Mansion on the NES (which I loved). Needless to say I’m excited about being able to finally try it, and with a fresh coat of paint to boot.

Final Fantasy IV The After Years (Wii): Just when I began to wonder when the next episodes would hit, they go and drop three new episodes under my lap. I still wonder if I can give each episode an individual review without repeating myself, but I’m up for the challenge.

The King of Fighters XII (PS3): This has been an incredible year for fighting games. In addition to Street Fighter IV, Marvel vs Capcom 2, BlazBlue (which I recently acquired), we have the HD revamp of the KoF series to look forward to. Outside of Capcom vs SNK 2, I don’t have much experience with the franchise, but this game looks like a great entry point, as well as looking gorgeous.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time Re-Shelled: This one’s a no-brainer for anyone who’s ever been to an Arcade. The first TMNT arcade game is still one of my favorite games to play constantly, and this 3D remake of Turtles in Time has me drooling in anticipation. It’s too bad that it apparently will not include the extra stages and bosses from the SNES version, but the footage I’ve seen is good enough for me to overlook that.

The Day of Two Michaels

Wow….Michael Jackson died.

Much like how most of you must feel, I’m not sure how to react to this news. So many years have been wasted to turn Michael Jackson into a living boogieman (as quoted in The Simpsons), that many of us forgot how awesome he used to be.

For a brief time in my youth, Micheal was like a superhero to me, using his magical dancing moves to fight crime and save kids. I am of course referring to his Moonwalker movie, which was recently talked about here, but that childhood image I once had hasn’t faded away, regardless of how weird he got.

I was hoping on the slim chance that MJ would get his act together, first by meeting with some sort of Jesus Surgeon that would completely fix up his botched face, maybe even wash out some of that bleached skin, followed by a new album that would serve as the mother of all comebacks. Sadly, that dream remains a dream. Well, he’s moonwalking up in heaven now. Or hell, if those accusations ever ended up true.

And I agree with the Nostalgia Critic, Smooth Criminal was indeed his best song and video ever.

The other Micheal as mentioned in my title is Micheal Bay, who has received his own notoriety, although his is much well deserved. I had watched Transformers 2 on IMAX today, and I’ve decided to add my own little mini review.

There will be mild spoilers, nothing too major.

Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen

Now, I love The Transformers. The original series remains one of my big childhood shows, standing alongside He-Man, Thundercats, and G.I. Joe, and the original animated movie remains one of my favorite animated movies of all time. It’s also got my favorite 80’s soundtrack ever.

Despite that, I’m not a Transformers purist. As long as none of the big-name bots are ever screwed with (Optimus, Megatron, Soundwave, etc), then I don’t care if the new movies mess with canon or outright changes most of the Autobots and Decepticons. All I require is explosive action and pretty CG, as well as Peter Cullen forever playing the role of Optimus Prime.

So when early viewers cried foul on how the sequel did nothing to fix the human side of the Transformers films, or in delivering a more serious, coherent plot, I must ask….did you really think Bay was going to pull it off?

Indeed, the first movie was riddled with the director’s muddled “outlook” on humanity, with low brow humor, perfectly sculpted young boys and girls, and a huge looming message about how awesome the Army is and how retarded the Government is. It was mentioned that this was done in order to lure in non-fans, who couldn’t possibly relate with talking CG robots. In a sense, this is true. But ultimately, whatever the puny humans did was irrelevant; as long as the sequel delivered on the Baysplosions, then I would walk away satisfied.

Well, it certainly did deliver. More robots, more explosions, and more slow motion jiggling with Meagan Fox. There is however, more than a few stupid moments that you’ll have to put up with, and this time it doesn’t just involve the humans.

Right from the start, Transformers 2 had wasted its potential; I really loved the concept of the Army from the first film forming a task force with the Autobots to combat all invading Decepticons. Called NESTS, this organization should have been the entire focus of the movie. The humans were actually tolerable and rarely got into any moments that reached slapstick level, and as soldiers they were actually competent enough to stand shoulder to leg with Optimus and his crew. And as shocking as it may sound, they even managed to restrict themselves from the usual government bashing seen in other Bay films. Okay, there’s the cliche douchebag government spokesman that tries to mess up a good thing just for the sake of messing shit up, but other than that, I would have really enjoyed having the entire movie focus on NESTS, and maybe show a passing shot of Sam and his girlfriend for a couple of minutes.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen, and we’re subjected to nearly an hour of Sam put through a ridiculous amount of situations that are both humiliating as well as painful (yet aside from a bandaged hand, he barely breaks anything). Oh, and also homosexual dog humping, pot brownies, repeated genital remarks, and a general unending awkwardness and humor that borders on Family Guy level.

And the Autobot twins. Oh lord, who the hell approved this? There was barely any laughing in the audience whenever these two Stereobots opened one of their golden buck-toothed mouths. I am utterly convinced that Micheal Bay has a serious grudge against minorities, and these two Jar Jars are the ultimate big budget culmination of his warped view. I couldn’t even tell if he was ripping on blacks or latinos; as part of the latter, I was a bit offended regardless.

The innuendo present in this movie was also bordering on obscene. Megan Fox nearly kills any credibility her character had in the first movie by becoming a never-ending fanservice model. Her opening scene is so blatant, the only thing missing was a lollipop in her mouth. This is only further tacked on when Sam’s college is filled to the brim with perfect, super attractive girls and MTV music blasting in every campus hallway.

But that shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone, because ultimately these movies are geared toward the MTV crowd. Aside from the gangsta bots, the other robots come across excellently. There isn’t a single scene featuring Optimus Prime that doesn’t kick ass, and his penultimate encounter with Megatron and two other Decepticons in a forest had me throwing my hands in the air in excitement. Not since “The Touch” has Prime ever delivered such an awesome smackdown. Megatron gets a lot of screentime as well, and Starscream is replicated quite faithfully to his original animated counterpart (he also gets bot slapped like crazy, but whether that’s a good thing or not is up to you).

But the highlight, for me, is finally seeing Soundwave in the film. A lot of fans speculated and feared what alternative would be given to a cassette player, but for once Bay chose wisely, and what we’ve got is some real stunning shots of a looming satellite bot in space. Pretty ironic that the one CG robot scene to not feature action or baysplosions happens to be the one that sticks the most with me. And kudos for bringing back Frank Welker to reprise the role, although it’s unfortunate that the 80’s vocoder technology is no longer present, so he sounds more like Dr Claw as a result. But that’s a moot point; Soundwave is my favorite Transformer after Prime, and he was given the same amount of love of and care that nearly everyone else was denied.

True to Bay’s word, there are many, many more robots in this movie when compared to the original. The double edged sword to this is that the majority of focus goes to the Decepticons. Sure, I’ve always been a bigger fan of the Decepticons than the Autobots (just as I have more favorite Cobras over Joes), but I was really hoping to see more of Sideswipe and Arcee (who for some reason comes in triplet form, but that’s irrelevant as they looked really cool, and dare I say sleek). And if they really wanted to have some comic relief Autobots follow Sam around, why couldn’t they use the goddamn Dinobots?

Regardless, there’s some great CG work used here, and it’s pretty much a requirement to watch it in IMAX. Devastator is as towering and chaotic as you can imagine, looking like an Evangelion that swallowed a cement mixer. And despite the looming hatred regarding a “robot’s scrotum” joke, I didn’t particularly hate the joke myself. It’s not like it was supposed to have testicles, but rather it had a mechanical aesthetic that conviently resembled the fact. I would almost say it’s clever, since many famous machines tend to have a part or two sticking out that resembles a certain human anatomy.

Just take a look at Zone of the Enders’ Jehuty, and where the “cockpit” happens to be.

And as much as I love Zero from Mega Man X, it’s hard to look past his “light bulb boobs.”

The final portion of the movie carries the usual trademarks of explosions and slow motion, but it also added a really tired, really played out cliche of someone who appears to be dead, but is soon magically revived. I really wish Hollywood would stop with this, already. I was around five years old when I watched The Carebears Movie, where the main girl character is apparently “killed” by Dark Heart, and even then I didn’t believe for a second that she would stay dead. Who in the world would still fall for this?

So in conclusion, when Transformers 2 gets into the action, it delivers. Whe it stumbles with its juvenile humor, it stumbles hard. It’s clearly established that Micheal Bay is a great effects director, but can’t write for crap. If you can accept that like I did, then you should enjoy Transformers 2. You can keep on hoping that one day a competent director will adapt Transformers with an iota of subtlety and, just maybe, compelling dialog, but until then, enjoy your Baysplosions, and try to stomach the Baysploitation.

E3 2009: Square and Konami

So yeah, turns out I forgot to make a post yesterday. I had mentioned before that I was watching Advent Children Complete, so the slip up shouldn’t be too surprising. I plan to do a mini review on that next post.

I’m also pleased to announce that I’ve been approved by Z Connect to review Final Fantasy IV: The After Years on WiiWare, starting with the first two available episodes, and with individual reviews to follow the episodes hereafter. This is the first traditional FF game I’m officially reviewing, so I’m quite excited about it.

Anyway, on to Square and Konami’s conferences from the previous day.

Square Enix: As is usually the case with Square, some miscommunication and baseless rumors (Kingdom Hearts Wii, mainly) had proven false. Square’s E3 conference wasn’t even a conference at all, but rather a Q&A session for their recently revealed title, Final Fantasy XIV. A rather vague Q&A session at that.

What we did learn was that it would be a brand new world and setting, but featuring the same races from FFXI. It’s also supposed to offer content for all types of players, from solo to party groups. Pricing details aren’t determined, or if there will even be a monthly fee, but considering that FFXI will continue to be supported even when XIV is out, it seems unlikely that they would continue charging monthly for a much older game while keeping their brand new one free.

It’s also been slated for a simultaneous worldwide release come 2010, which means we might actually be getting two Final Fantasies under one year. Quite a major experience, if it ends up true.

Konami: In between the DDR whoring, Konami only had one new announcement in their conference.

But man, was it a doozy.

Castlevania: Lords of Shadow: An open world 3D Castlevnia, by Hideo Kojima. That’s almost a runner-up to Metroid: Other M’s shocking announcement. This gen seems to have a fad where popular developing teams take a crack at popular franchises. I was already onboard with Kojima being in charge, but the trailer just cemented my interest. The visuals look great, the voicework is stellar (Patrick Stewart! Other guys I never heard of!), and the idea of being a Belmont that freely visits areas and castles brings back memories of Castlevania II. I’m not just hoping for a new experience, I’m also hoping for a return to form.

There was also new info on Silent Hill: Shattered Memories, but I want to dedicate a seperate post regarding that game.

Look for two reviews incoming as well.

E3 2009: Nintendo and Sony

Man, where do I begin. Both companies managed to impress me with their conferences. There were a couple of announcements that had me grinning ear to ear, and a couple that had my jaw hit the floor.

There were also moments that nearly had me slam my head into my keyboard, but that’s to be expected; these companies aren’t just doing these shows to impress their fans, but to impress their shareholders as well.

I was considering doing two parts for both companies, but Square’s conference is up next, so I need to keep this blog open for any potential megatons. There’s a lot of buzz regarding a possible reveal for Kingdom Hearts on the Wii, something that wouldn’t surprise me at all. As long as it’s a port or (better yet) a new spinoff, I’m fine with it, but I want the third numbered title to be on the PS3 and/or 360; I want the gorgeous visuals to evolve, not remain stagnant.

Anywho…

Nintendo’s Conference

Nintendo’s presentation felt like a timeshare: moments of brilliance wedged inbetween unbearable filler. There were many instances of “Rich as Fuck” and “Shit you don’t care about”, which was expected. A plerethora of DS games tailored to tweens and pedophiles, montagages of grandma, great grandma, mom and pop enjoying the hell out of their Wii, and the creation of yet another accessory: a Wii-tachment that measures your blood pressure.

Mine was nearly boiling at that point.

But, all that garbage felt irrelavent, thanks to three very awesome announcements, clevery saved for the beginning, middle, and end of the presentation.

New Super Mario Bros Wii: Right from the start we’re treated to what will immediately be one of the best games to come out this year. I loved New Super Mario Bros on the DS so much that I considered it a true sequel to Super Mario World, essentially making it Super Mario Bros. 5.

And now we’re getting a sequel on the Wii, keeping the 2D look, the catchy music, and the wonderfully difficult level structures, but with an even more awesome addition: 4 player co-op. Taking a page from Little Big Planet (and eerily resembling the Mega Man 2.5 trailer I linked a few posts back), four buddies can interact with one another to help reach the level goal. But in reality, your buddies will end up hindering more than helping as they miss that jump, steal that mushroom, and repeatedly fall or get crushed to death. It’s going to be hilarious.

This would have been my pick for best game of the show were it not for one very unfortunate setback: no online multiplayer. According to big man Miyamoto, the Wii’s hardware can handle four long distance guys playing the game all at once. I think a bigger truth is that Nintendo continues to quake in fear of online multiplayer, but either way it’s a setback. I’m still greatly looking forward to this game, but it’s also the most disappointing news about E3 so far.

Super Mario Galaxy 2: I have absolutely nothing negative to say about this announcement, though. Super Mario Galaxy was a fantastic experience, but I was also saddened when I reached the end. Nintendo’s had this policy about making sure each Mario and Zelda title was a different experience that should be spaced out every five years or so. It looks like the overwhelmingly positive reception of the first Galaxy prompted them to make a direct sequel, much earlier than expected. In all honesty, it’s the smartest thing Nintendo’s done so far this gen.

Metroid: Other M: And this….this just came out of nowhere. The moment Reggie talked about creating an “edgier” Nintendo title, I immediately scoffed. Then I saw the Team Ninja logo, and just stared in disbelief. I am then treated to footage with a sexy short-haired blond walking around a space station military complex, and started scratching my head. What was this?

Then I see her put on the iconic armor, and I just went nuts. I couldn’t believe what I was looking at. Never would I have guessed the collaboration of Nintendo and Team Ninja culminating in an action packed, multi-perspective, richly narrated Metroid game. It’s like the long talked about Metroid movie came to life with cinematagraphy directed by Monty Oum. It’s so unlike Nintendo that all bets are off at this point. It’s going to sell like gangbusters, but it should certainly live up to the hype.

Sony’s Conference

Sony’s show also suffered from self indulgence, spending much time discussing how awesome they were, and showing a record amount of montages of their hardware. They also played it somewhat safe, with few surprise announcements. Regardless, they wisely followed MS’s approach to show off as many games as possible, and revealed their own take on the Waggle Capitalizing with a new device that, quite honestly, looks like it could stand a decent chance of not sucking.

Uncharted 2: Like Modern Warfare 2, it came as no surprise that Uncharted played well and looked good. Naughty Dog seems to have a track record of making their first game an experiment, and the sequel becoming superior in every way. But man, Uncharted 2 sure does look sweet, probably rivaling MW2’s graphical splendor.

MAG: This one’s getting a lot of exposure, and it certainly has some interesting concepts, but the only way to truly judge this game is to try it out with other players. The kind of community that this game attracts will determine how fun or terrible this will be. I’m doubtful that anyone can round up 250 players who know what they’re doing, but playing with even 1/4 of people who know what they’re doing

Assassin’s Creed 2: As a concept, Assassin’s Creed was well received by everyone. Even Kojima was a fan. As a game though, it had several problems. The sequel looks primed to fix them all, though. It looks better, it has more weapons, the AI is smarter (even though most dancing folk don’t seem to notice a guy flying in the air in some strange contraption), and the kills are more brutal. Kind of silly how the bad guys keep switching from French to English on the fly, but apples and oranges.

PSP Go: Yep, here it is. It’s a good thing Sony had a humble mood about it’s early leak (or was it intentional?), but I can’t shake my disappointment on how they still haven’t added a cover for the screen. Is that really too much to ask? I carry my DS around more than my PSP because I don’t want the screen to get cracks or smudges. At least the PSP is continuing to get a strong lineup, including Resident Evil, Metal Gear Solid, Soul Calibur, and Gran Turismo 5.

Speaking of MGS, I’ll be saving the Peacewalker talk for tomorrow, as part of Konami’s Conference.

The Last Guardian: One of the earliest leaks, via a youtube video showing the game back when it was codenamed Trico. Regardless, it was great to see that the original idea is now a confirmed game. It looks simply wonderful, and I love the look of the creature so much that I’m hoping there’s a hug button. Up made me shamelessly weep like a baby, so I’m not sure if I’m prepared for this game. No, I’m kidding, I want it now. I want to take a nap on that creature’s warm tummy.

Motion Control Device (aka The Waggle Wand): We knew this was coming. We were really hoping it wouldn’t. This presentation ran the risk of ruining Sony’s show, with the ugly dildo design and the terribly ackward presenters. But after giving it some time, I actually warmed up to the wand. The precision on this thing looks really accurate, even more so than Nintendo’s motionplus upgrade. It also registers full body movements without requiring Natal’s giant mat. The concepts they tossed out looked interesting, and (more importantly) fun; swinging a whip, shooting in first person, firing a bow and arrow and ninja darts, and topping it off with a better Zelda simulator than the Wii’s own Zelda game. I’m not sure what’s the best way to market this, but if third parties commit to this playstyle, this might prove to be a motion controlling experience few will be embarrased about.

Mod Nation Racers: So now they’re ripping off Mario Kart? Sony, have you no sh-wait, this actually looks fun. Create your own racers and tracks, upload them and share them with others? You’ll never have to buy another kart racer again. If they let you create your own power-ups as well, then this could be something really awesome.

Final Fantasy XIII: There is a lot that’s shown in this video: full english voices, party battles, large areas to explore, a new kid with silver hair, a full frontal shot of Sephironica (glasses!), what more can be said. This is going to be awesome, and Spring 2010 is such a painful way away.

Final Fantasy XIV: Wh-what!? WHAT!? Seriously!? Another huge shocker for the day, FFXIV has been unveiled despite FFXIII being a way’s off. Not only that, but it’s revealed to be an online successor to Final Fantasy XI, making this in actuality Final Fantasy XI-2. As someone who played the first MMO for a good 5 years, I’m highly excited about this. They can only improve things from here, so I’m looking forward to less grinding, faster traveling, less camping, and a more streamlined interface.

And Mithras. Gorgeous, high definition Mithras.

God of War III: Not much I can add here. It’s God of War, Kratos is still angry, and everything looks just about how I expected. That’s not a bad thing mind you: more enemies on screen, more brutal kills (intestines, ewww), giant lava bosses, and Crispin Freeman. It sucks that it won’t make it this year, but it’s going to be a great experience.

E3 2009: Microsoft

The first day of E3 has come and gone, and Microsoft was the first of the three contenders to step up to the ring.

Aside from the mundane Beatles reunion that served as a warm-up, it was a pretty good showing. Not too many big gaming related announcements, but the stuff they showed was still mighty strong.

Modern Warfare 2: The fact that this game looked really good was no surprise at all, but I have to wonder just what Infinity Ward has been feeding their engine. The MW franchise remains one of the most gorgeous I’ve seen this generation, and their separation from Activision means I’ll never have to look at the Call of Duty series again. It’s going to be a kickass November.

Left 4 Dead 2: This, however, was a far bigger surprise. This has to be some sort of track record for fastest mutliplatform sequel, although many have suspected that it’s in actuality an expansion pack, although I’ve got my doubts on that one. Regardless, I’ve mentioned before how much I enjoyed the first game (and still do), so I’m going to eat this one up the moment it’s out. I just hope Valve continues to support LFD with more maps and infected instead of just releasing “sequel packs” every year.

Splinter Cell: Conviction: I liked this series better when the main character was a humble dad by day, witty badass by night. Now that his daughter’s dead, the only thing left is generic cop rage, fueled by the odd fact that he appears younger in each game. Still, I couldn’t help but find the “text on walls” effect rather cool, and it’s always fun to give assholes their comuppance (via violent interrogation tactics), so I’m willing to give “Man on Fire: The Game” a shot.

Crackdown 2: A lot of people were convinced this game would never get a sequel, so it’s nice to see them proven wrong. I own the original myself, purchased from a Blockbuster bargain bin, but I never played past the first hour. I plan to remedy that soon, as a means of celebration. The monster surprise kind of gives it the feeling of “Gears of Crackdown”, though.

Metal Gear Solid: Rising: The announcement that 360 was finally getting an MGS game should have been the ultimate fanboy highlight of E3, but Kojima’s last second “oh wait, it’s Raiden” message seriously downplayed the jubulation. I’m pretty sure the average 360 owner doesn’t care much about Metal Gear, anyway, and would rather hear more about Halo.

Halo 3 ODST: And here it is! How very underwhelming! Granted the setting looked a bit cooler, the guys had some cool armor minus the exposed fingers (why leave them exposed?), but once the dialog kicked in, well….yes, he did blast the hell out of that guy. No, I wasn’t impressed.

Halo Reach: All we get is a teaser shot, and yet I can’t but feel this will be a far better game than ODST. Just a hunch.

Alan Wake: I always embrace new horror games, although this one’s more of a psychological thriller. Still, the effects are pretty awesome, the enviornment changing shape was cool, as well as the way the protagonist narrated the events like a (intentionally?) bad novel. I just hope there are more enemies than just shadowy human husks, as wesll as a positioning option for the flashlight. I’ll be buggered if I’m going to play the whole game left-handed.

Shadow Complex: This looks pretty cool, but I wish people would drop the “Metroidvania” joke and call it by its more appropriate name: “Contravania”.

Final Fantasy XIII: Huh, what? English dialog and text? An exclusive summon!? You can bet this had me sit up on my seat. Surprisingly, FFXIII is very far along in its localization, although that isn’t going to make it come out any sooner than Spring 2010. Enjoy your Christmas release, you Japanese bastards.

Twitter/Facebook/Other Non-Game Stuff: Uggggh. Okay, Last.FM could be decent if they let you browse it while playing a game, but otherwise, why in the hell would anyone use twitter on the 360? If it was some sort of XBL-exclusive twitter-type system it would be neat, but otherwise….

Watching movies with buddies on a virtual couch: Potentially fun, but I’m hoping that only one of you needs to physically purchase or rent the movie. Nothing beats online mooching.

Natal: Oh boy, here we go. Waggling was rumored forever, and now it’s here, Minority Report style. About the most positive thing I can say about this is that browing your 360 with voice command could be semi neat, and if the arm moving and voice recognition features were included into normal games, it might add to the immersive experience. Otherwise….well it’s too bad no developer will be allowed to make an M rated game with this. Think of all the fun positions you could do on that mat….

Milo: Oh man…this was wrong on so many levels. Encouraging to deny all human interaction, Milo is a virtual british buddy who is delighted to spend time with you with all sorts of voice-recognized activities.

Do I have to spell out why the concept of manipulating a photorealistic little virtual boy is a bad idea? Do I really? And I’m sure there will be a little virtual girl to also interact with.

Xbox 360: Jump In. Molest.

Ubi Soft’s Conference: The less said, the better. Yes, I realize the irony in that statement.

Nintendo and Sony are up next. There’s a high probability that Nintendo will announce a sequel to New Super Mario Bros, something that would make me very happy and almost forgiving of the absurd Wii whoring that occured in this show so far.

As for Sony, their show can be an easy success as long as they make sure not to show any charts or mention any sales figures. MS zinged you guys, so if you were planning on the charts, dump ‘em.

The Eve Before E3

E3 starts rolling tomorrow, although you wouldn’t know that from all the purpoted leaks going online. Potentially heavy news such as the PSP Go, Final Fantasy VII’s PSN inclusion, the existence of a new MGS for both PSP and PS3, along with several “leaked” trailers run the risk of downplaying the major conferences starting tomorrow.

Then there’s the Twitter fiasco, where everyone claiming to have “sources” constantly post fake posts and claims in order to gain attention. It’s a fine mess, but also a fun one.

Yeah, the odds are in favor of this year’s E3 kicking ass. The three major players all have conferences starting Monday, and I’m hoping for all sorts of big news. I’m also going to post on this blog every day in E3 week in order to share my thoughts on each new announcement and revelation.

But for today, I wanted to share this video in case you hadn’t seen it yet: A fan-made Mega Man 2.5D.

This is the sort of thing that I wish would get immediate endorsement. The 3D bits seem to be little more than a novelty, but the co-op feature is fantastic. Capcom, hire this guy asap.

It’s also a fun week for Final Fantasy fans; Monday sees the release of Final Fantasy IV: The After Years on WiiWare, or rather its first episode. Depending on the price and length, I may wait it out until the entire game is available under one price. Tuesday also sees the release of Advent Children:Complete, which will be immediately purchased and watched by me.  I should inform you that Gamestop is selling the movie as part of a bundle with the PS3. Food for thought.

And finally, I watched Pixar’s Up the other day. This movie holds the distinction out of two others that have managed to make me physically cry. It was pretty weird, I was watching the opening with a normal attitude, and before I knew it, the waterworks hit me. I’m not ashamed to admit that either, because it’s a fantastic movie, and is another addition to Pixar’s near-flawless track record. It was almost worth missing out in attending E3.

Hope I finally get my shot next year, though.

I’m In Your Wahoo!

When it comes to colds, there’s nothing I find more annoying than a sore throat. It’s a constant, itchy annoyance that requires me to gulp down hundreds of Halls candy and drink as much OJ and water as possible. It keeps me up at night with the incessant coughing and drains me from doing anything physically demanding.

On the upside, I just received my next two titles from Armchair. The first is Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Athena for the PS3, starring Vin “I’m in your face” Diesal.

This game’s been readily available for pretty much every independant website, so scoring a copy isn’t exactly as exciting as getting Persona 3 a month early, but the buzz has been pretty good on this game, so I’ll give it a shot. The labeling on the cover says it also contains the “complete Butcher Bay campaign”. Having never played the first game, I’m intrigued to just how much is carried over; Does it really feature the entire game, story and all, or just its highlights?

The 2nd game I received, however, deserves much more cause for celebration: Klonoa on the Wii.

Klonoa is like one of those secret series, where it’s only known to the select few who have played it. I come from personal experience with the PS1 original, and let me tell you, it’s one of the best games ever made. A 2D platforming classic with a wonderful soundtrack, lovable characters, and one of the most dramatic stories you’ll ever experience in a videogame. Seriously.

I do wonder if I can review this Wiimake without any bias, because of what I’ve seen in videos, it is by all accounts the exact same game as the original, minus some redone visuals. I just wish they didn’t mess up Klonoa’s english voice, which sounds way too old compared to his adorable, childish Japanese/Phantomise voice. It doesn’t have the same emotional impact if they’re trying to play Klonoa off as a teenager instead of a young boy/cat/koala/thing.

In addition to those two, I’ve also got a free copy of Plants vs Zombies, and a code for Killing Floor incoming. I’ve also been playing betas of Cogs, Trine, and Dragonica, with full review copies set to be delivered soon.

And of course, there’s still my “secret project”, which I hope to officially unveil soon.