I suck at this game: I should blame it on something

I’ve had a busy week, with midterms and job interviews, and sweet, sweet Street Fighter IV eating up my time.

Things are going to open up for me soon, and I’ve also got two new reviews to share with you, along with three more incoming within the next month.

In the meantime, I had to share this hilarious video. If you’re feeling down after getting whooped by all the Ken scrubs, just take a look at this vid and get a good laugh out of it.

And for the record, if I was actually tasked with reviewing Street Fighter IV right now, I’d give it a good 9.5/10. It really is that good.

Jawsome Japanimation: Street Fighter

It’s about time I dedicated something fun to this blog again, which is why I feel now’s the best time to introduce a new category: Jawsome Japanimation.

I did mention in my About page that I may talk about anime, and I’m making good on that. It’s a safe bet, after all, that if you’re into videogames, you may also be into anime. Heck, one of the main reasons I got into gaming during the beginning NES days was because of the cool artwork, whether it was anime-inspired or westernized; It looked cool, and it played cool.

With Street Fighter IV soon to be available to everyone (and damn those who managed to secure a copy before the official street date. damn you all), I’ve decided to dedicate a pre-launch post talking about the various anime adaptions created to honor the world’s most popular fighting series.

To spare my sanity and your attention span, I will only be covering Japanese anime adaptions of Street Fighter. There’s a ton of comics, cartoons, and a certain movie that has each done their part to further ridicule a series where bear-wrestling Russians fight highschool girls with no mercy (and in two weeks, Smallville’s Lana will step up to ruin Chun Li’s image the same way Van Damme did for Guile), and I won’t be covering all of them in one post.

Okay, fine, here’s everyone’s favorite part from the movie.

Once you’ve decided whether to go home, or go with him, read on.

Oh, but a word of warning: There’s quite a bit of partial nudity in this post (double warning: it’s not all pleasant), so consider this kind of not safe for work. Moving on.

Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie:

They knew how to market them back then.

In the 90’s, GameFan magazine were quite the masters of generating hype, often filling their pages with large screenshots and artwork along with large rants about a certain product’s awesomeness. Particularly memorable examples include their constant reports on Final Fantasy VII (which eventually earned a score of “100++” from their reviewers) and Evangelion (A++). Because one plus just isn’t enough.

They were also the first ones to break the news of Street Fighter II’s anime adaption, and didn’t skimp on their journalistic standards; they described the fight scenes moving at “over 100 frames per second”, and this was long before fps terms became routine in forum trolling.

They also made this movie all the more appetizing by telling us we couldn’t have it, mentioning that Capcom had no immediate plans to bring this to the US. Quite convenient, since their magazine also featured advertisements from an importing service that frequently advertised the same games and anime they covered, along with their outrageous prices; the Street Fighter II movie was available for purchase (without subtitles, to boot) for a good $80. And that’s not covering their shipping fees. I’ve fallen victim to them on more than one occasion, but that’s an embarrassing story for another time.

In any event, GameFan was fortunately wrong on this one, because several months later the anime was brought over here in two VHS versions, PG-13 and “Uncut”.

And this is just during the first five minutes.

Having limited funds, I had to resort to the PG-13 cut, available for rent at Blockbuster (and later copied thanks to this handy double-VCR hookup my Grandmother set up long ago). That was irrelevant, as only less than five minutes of violence were cut out; there was still plenty of punching, kicking, and hadouken’ing left in, and man was it glorious.

Every character from Super Street Fighter II Turbo makes an appearance in this movie, and nearly all of them are memorable moments. We’ve got Fei Long taking on Ryu in a crowded betting arena, E Honda fighting Dhalsim in Calcutta, Blanka going against Zangief in Las Vegas….the movie skimped out on plot in order to show off one fight after another. Just like a good Kung-Fu movie should.

But probably the one fight everyone will remember the most is the encounter between Chun Li and Vega. The former is attacked in her apartment just after a lengthy shower…..

Sigh, I suppose I have to stop and talk about the shower scene. One of the earliest and finest displays of fanservice transitioning from video game to animated form, young males across the world were treated to a full on shower sequence, where quarter-munchers everywhere were treated to a clear, extended look at Chun Li’s wet, dripping assets.

This is all you're going to see here.

Provided you had the right cut of the movie, at least. The PG-13 version only gives you a small bit of back-boob action, while the “Uncut” tape wasn’t entirely uncut at all, which kept in a shot of her rear but left out the “breast” part (sorry). Aside from importing tapes (and later, the internet), the shower sequence was never shown in its entirety in the US until Manga released a new “definitely uncut” edition of the movie on DVD, also featuring the original Japanese dialog and score.

Back to what I was saying, the Chun Li/Vega fight is the most memorable in the movie due to its unwavering brutality and all around ass-kicking awesomeness. Clothes are torn, boobies are sliced, furniture is tossed around, and beautiful faces are ruined in one of the most entertaining fights ever created for film.

You won't find a greater marriage of fanservice and brutality. Except maybe Bikinni Zombie Slayers.

Of particular note is the differences in audio between the English and Japanese versions; The former featured a rocking song from KMFDM to really pump up the hormone levels, while the Japanese original featured a slower, romantic-like song, giving the sequence a more artsty feel, like a violent ballet between the two fighters. It’s quite eerie, and gives off a different feel from the screaming death metal of the US track. Your preferences may vary.

The majority of fights in this movie follow suit in their brutality and realism, and that’s thanks in part to the surpervision of actual accomplished martial arts fighters. Capcom doesn’t just use violence to lure in fans, though, as we are also treated to landmark moments such as the original battle between Ryu and Sagat (the one moment where it’s vital to watch it uncensored), his training days with Ken, and even the origin of his trademark headband.

I don’t really want to say much more about the film, as I’m hoping the majority of you have each experienced it for yourself. If you haven’t, do so as quickly as you can. Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie was one of the earliest attempts of a Japanese Animated Videogame Adaptiom (hey, that’s an acronym for JAVA. Maybe I should trademark that), but it’s also to this day the most successful. This isn’t just one of the best Anime films ever made, it’s also one of the best Martial Arts movies ever made, worthy of standing alongside Enter the Dragon and Drunken Master.

Street Fighter II V:

Spikey hair? I have instant dislike of this alternate take!

Shortly following the success of the animated movie, a 29 episode TV series was released and quickly brought over by Manga Entertainment. Funny enough, the original animated movie was released in America after the dreadful live movie, and this anime series followed suit shortly after the equally dreadful cartoon series from USA Network. Could Capcom be trying to cover their muddy tracks?

Anyway, this series is notable (and often hated) for creating an alternate take on the SF lore, showing Ryu, Ken and several other characters during their early days. Ryu is just a 17 year old country bumpkin who just recently mastered his martial arts style, but hasn’t perfected it. He gets an invitation from Ken to meet him in America, followed by a round trip across the world in order to meet new challenges to test their fighting skills.

The series is often bashed by fans for depicting Ryu as a naive, almost doofus-like teenager who arrogantly picks fights just for fun. It also suffers from a limited budget, often repeating the same frames of animation several times per episode (especially noticeable whenever someone is making a mad dash toward the camera).

But personally speaking, this series is a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. I believe it’s well aware of its cheesy premise, and intentionally runs with it. We’ve got drunken army soldiers, the hockey team from hell, drug smugglers with chainsaw hands, and psychotic Spanish bullfighters serving as opponents for young Ryu and Ken. And if you think it’s a bit arrogant of them to just drive around starting fights, you may enjoy their immediate knockdown from their high horse when a certain Army Sergeant schools these kids on the lessons of street fighting.

"I could kick your ass all night!"

As someone who was getting into martial arts during the time of watching this, SFIIV also served as a male fantasy: Who wouldn’t love traveling the world with their improbably rich best friend to beat down assholes in steel cage matches? You even get a super hot Chinese tour guide along the way.

Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger, But she ain't messin' with no broke...

The series was also amusing for its random product placements. We’ve got Ken drinking Avian water, Chun Li shopping at Georgio Armani, and then there’s Ryu’s shoes….

Gotta be the shoes.

And like the animated movie, there’s plenty of brutally realistic fights, and the animation usually keeps up with the deadly speed and blows (but still repeat frames edgewise). A particularly gruesome encounter is between Ken and Vega.

Holy Shit.

Serving to pay back Vega for giving Chun Li a roofie kiss during her sleep, Ken steps into a steel cage match with the master of steel cage matches. He gets a solid blow to Vega’s face, which he prides over.

Holy Shit!

He doesn’t like having his beautiful face scarred.

Ahhhhhh, Holy Shiiiiiiiiiit!!!!

Unfortunately, the series takes an unfortunate wrong turn after this fight, dedicating the next half of its length to focus on Bison and his plans for world domination.

The Chin of Doom

For a series that took a lighthearted approach to fighting across the globe, things get way too serious and way too slow at this point. Bison abducts Ken, Chun Li, and Ryu, and we’re left with several dragging episodes with no fighting and a lot of repeating scenes.

My God, that chin will destory us all!

Ryu practices wavy hand motions, Ken screams “See Ya Sen!!!” a hundred times, and Bison laughs maniacally ten minutes per episodes. He also talks to an eagle head statue, which is the source of his Psycho power. Even the Kali statue from the USA cartoon made more sense than that.

Still, it’s quite interesting to see the beginning points of canon material here. This series was made before Street Fighter Alpha, and while Capcom has given most of the credit to the first movie as inspiration, a few elements must have been taken from V as well. For instance, here’s the first look at Charlie Nash, Guile’s best buddy and future Alpha character.

The glasses are about the only thing they have in common.

The plot to turn fighters into mindless servants may also have given way to Bison’s DOLL soldiers. Unfortunately, Cammy’s role in V is quite maligned, to the point that there’s almost no resemblance whatsoever. Hired as an assassin to take out Chun Li’s father, Cammy’s story is basically the opposite of her role in the games; instead of starting out as Bison’s mindless assassin and later working with MI-6, the Cammy in SFIIV is a former MI-6 agent who later became an assassin. Also, she appears much older, which is counfounding since this is supposed to take place before the original games.

She also hasn't learned to wear her assassin clothes underneath her normal ones.

She’s also got this thing where she prays to a cross before pulling out a hidden wire to strangle her opponents. That’s even further removed from Cammy. What the hell.

But worse off is Chun Li, who was a cute, spunky character in the first half of the series, but is later reduced to a damsel in distress after being abducted by Bison.

Sometimes, fanfiction writes itself.

This isn’t the first time Chun Li had to take down some asshole while barely keeping her clothes on, but in this instance she’s not only facing someone way out of her league, but she’s continuously shamed during the whole ordeal. As Bison’s douchebag assistant is filming her shameful appearance, Bison makes due with comments like “whore” and more ten minute laughing.

"A tip of my hat to your natural....talents."

To be fair, Bison is always entertaining as a magnificent bastard, the one thing that every iteration of Stret Fighter has managed to have in common, but it goes a little overboard here. The coup de grace is Chun Li’s final role as a mindless warrior, wearing a slave-like version of her trademark Chinese dress.

Sometimes, fanfiction writes itself.

This wouldn’t be so bad if she was given a chance at payback after breaking free of the mind control, but that doesn’t happen. Ryu and Ken finally break free after ten episodes of captivity, and promptly dispatch Bison. Roll the credits.

As painfully slow as the second half is, I still recommend most of Street Fighter II V as a fun afternoon serial. Just try to look past the homoerotic undertones.

Sometimes, fanfiction writes....oh, God...

Believe it or not, the above image isn’t nearly as horrifying to watch compared to Ken’s pink shirt in the final episode, as well as the original Japanese intro.

I’ll take the Americanized version any day.

Street Fighter Alpha OVA:

A cast of many, but only 45 minutes to squeeze them in.

Following the success of the Alpha series, another anime was released to commerate Street Fighter’s 10th anniversary. Unlike with V, this new adaption was met with a lot of excitement, as it meant the first anime debut of popular characters like Akuma and Sakura.

That hype quickly turned into late 90’s internet nerd rage, as both characters are only given minimal screen time and no fight scenes, in favor of establishing original character Shun, a young boy claiming to be Ryu’s younger brother (and quickly disbelieved by everyone).

Sakura gets a decent amount of screen time along with a few cute moments (copying her Alpha victory pose where her shoe comes flying off, along with playing as Ibuki in a tiny handheld version of SF3), but this OVA takes place before she gets into martial arts, instead focusing on the beginnings of her obsession with Ryu.

Don't get too outraged; this is only a half-second frame. Still funny though.

Akuma, who at this point has risen to Wolverine levels of popularity among Arcade players (to the point that the two eventually clash during X-Men vs Street Fighter), gets even less screen time, only showing a couple of times to goad Ryu into unleashing the dark side of his Hadou.

Commence the shitting of pants.

Despite that, it’s still an entertaining feature, and the animation is simply wonderful, perfectly capturing the more stylized look of the Alpha series. Purists complained at the exaggerated fights in this feature, and admittedly it does go a little over the top (Ryu dodges bullets at point blank), but the Alpha series was always meant to be that way.

The real point of exaggeration is the OVA’s original enemy character, who is an even bigger cheater than SF3’s Gil. The undead, unflinching cyborg is the equivalent of Resident Evil 3’s Nemesis, and it takes a ridiculous amount of special moves and dark hadou to bring him down.

Better hope they don't make him a DLC character.

Street Fighter Alpha: Generations

I've got a bad feeling about this.

The last OVA made (at least until now) came out of nowhere, not commemorating anything with Street Fighter and released without much fanfare. On the surface it appeared promising, as it was advertised to be a full feature brawl between Ryu and Akuma, something fans have been wanting to see after the shameless teasing of the previous OVA.

One look at the animation style, however, is enough to tell you that something ain’t right with this adaption.

Er....What?

The director of this feature was the same one behind Robot Carnival, a movie I haven’t seen, but one I can immediately tell has no resemblance to Street Fighter whatsoever. Simply put, they wanted to take a new direction with this OVA, making it more artsy and moving, and less about mindless fighting.

Because, you know, it’s not like fans wanted a huge face-off between Ryu and Akuma, right? We can do with some soul searching instead, right?

The beginning bit that shows Akuma as a normal, not red-eyed or vein-popping fighter was mildly interesting, but it all goes downhill from there. Ryu takes a trip to the woods to get some spiritual guidance (or as I put it, hiding from Akuma because he’s scared straight), and meets up with a mysterious old man who gives him mysterious old man guidance.

He’s also one of the scariest goddamn old men I’ve ever seen.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!

As for characters, aside from Ryu and Akuma (and a last minute appearance by Ken that serves no purpose whatsover), the only other character to show up is Sakura, who begs Ryu for a match to help her with her training. She also begs him not to hold back.

He doesn’t.

There's a reason Senseis don't beat the living shit out of their students.

Afterwards, Sakura takes a relaxing dip in an indoor hot tub, where her breasts magically expand on cue.

My God, Asuka was right.

Make no mistake, the animation is an absolute mess. When the characters aren’t grossly represented as pale Asians, they take on these bizarre, contorting expressions when fighting. Akuma looks like something out of Berserk (ironic but not intentional, considering the author was the one who worked on the original SF designs) as a hulking, overly muscular demon. His actual fight with Ryu is also painfully clunky, where he swings his arms around like Zangief, and Ryu throws fireballs with flower petals attached to them.

If only there was some way to fill my chest up with liquid. Some kind of....breast implant. Hmm.

About the only semi interesting moment is the final revelation that implies Akuma as being Ryu’s father. This would only be relevant if Capcom decided to make it canon. I wonder if they even took a look at this mess of an OVA in the first place.
Street Fighter IV: The Ties that Bind:

It looks good, so it's already better than Generations.

Packaged with the Collector’s Edition of Street Fighter IV is a new 60 minute OVA that bridges the gap between Street Fighter II and IV (and in case you forgot, IV takes place before III), focusing on characters like Chun Li, Sakura, Ryu, and the new fighters like C. Viper and Rufus. It’s been shown in bits and pieces during the various game trailers, and it looks pretty darn good. It also features, FINALLY, a Ryu/Akuma encounter that actually looks straight out of the game.

I’ll be offering my thoughts on this new OVA once I receive the CE package (hopefully, within the hour of this post), but it should make for an entertaining bonus for a long overdue sequel. Fight On.

Retroactive Reviews: Kingdom Hearts Re: Chain of Memories

Sorry for the quietness around here. It’s been a rather busy last couple of weeks, and it’ll only get busier before the month is over. I’ll still be posting my reviews every week, including this week’s review of Kingdom Hearts Re: Chain of Memories (hope you took advantage of that Delicious Deal I posted way back).

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve also been contributing news to BeefJack, which has been archived here. I’ve also got two more reviews on the way.

So again, sorry for not updating with more “fun” posts, but I promise to get back into the swing of things before too long. I promised a Street Fighter related post in celebration of the fourth game’s release, and I mean to keep that promise.

Until then, here’s Chain of Memories, reviewed for The Armchair Empire. Enjoy.

Kingdom Hearts Re: Chain of Memories

Score: 8.0/10

When a commercially successful Square Enix title makes its way to North American shores, it doesn’t take too long for the RPG giant to re-release that same game back to Japanese consumers with an “International” edition, containing even more extra content to make recent NA buyers jealous.

American gamers were especially envious of Square Enix’s re-release of Kingdom Hearts II, bearing the name of Final Mix Plus; Not only did this version of the world’s most popular fanfiction crossover contain numerous additional cutscenes and bosses, but it even featured an entire game in an extra disc: A complete remake of the GBA handheld sidestory, Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories.

In a rare moment of generosity, however, Square Enix has decided to release their extra content for NA gamers, although curiously omitting the reworked Kingdom Hearts II in favor of selling Re: Chain of Memories on its own. Is it worth paying the equivalent of a Greatest Hits title for only half the content that Japanese gamers received?

Serving as a bridging point between Kingdom Hearts I and II, Chain of Memories featured Sora, Donald and Goofy coming across a mysterious castle owned by the even more mysterious Oganization XIII. Upon entering the castle, Sora is warned that “to lose is to find, and to find is to lose”; for each floor scaled, Sora and company lose more and more of their memories and experiences during the first game while falling closer to the Organization’s trap.

The story remains largely unchanged from the original GBA version, but is nonetheless crucial to understanding the deeper mysteries of Kingdom Hearts II. Another unchanged element is the gameplay, which is based entirely around a new card-based system; Sora must now fight each Heartless encounter, using a stack of cards numbered 0 to 9 to perform every action from keyblade swinging to magic casting. The enemies follow this new system as well, and the key to victory is to master the “Card Break” feature, where the highest card number overlaps an opposing card of lower value. 0 cards are especially crucial to proper strategizing as it can overwrite any card placed before it, but can also be nullified by any card placed afterwards. Three cards can also be stacked at once to add up its numbers, proving especially useful to unleash three attacks without interruption (unless, again, the enemy uses a 0 card) or to unleash an exclusive special move for extra damage.

It isn’t just the battle system that’s gotten card crazy, though. Each area features several rooms that must be opened with a Map Card, each card offering a different effect for the room such as decreasing the number of enemies, causing extra magic with magic cards, a higher chance for bonuses and treasure, and so on.

The card handling was arguably difficult to manage on a handheld system, but on a console it proves to be a much better fit; Cycling cards is much easier with the PS2’s (or PS3’s, for those with backwards compatibility) shoulder buttons, and the larger screen keeps the onscreen action from obscuring things as often. Unfortunately, the tradeoff is the removal of the GBA’s quick-save feature, requiring players to save their progress one of two ways: using a card to summon a save point in one of the many dungeon rooms (similar to the ink ribbons from the Resident Evil series), or hoofing it all the way back to the floor entrance. Neither option would be much of a hindrance if it wasn’t for the random placement of story-specific rooms (which must be opened in order) or how the onscreen map still follows the original game’s isometric view, causing some further confusion.

While the gameplay features remain largely unchanged, the visuals have received the most striking overhaul, although most of the assets are carried over from the first Kingdom Hearts. Even so, it’s a testament to the original game’s gorgeous animation and 3D recreation of classic Disney characters and locations. The cutscenes during the castle portions also feature full voice acting with most of the KH actors reprising their roles (although Haley Joel Osment is clearly unable to recreate Sora’s younger voice, and instead sticks to using Sora’s older KHII’s voice on his younger KHI form). Unfortunately, the Disney-centric dungeons only feature recycled voice clips and no new dialog, further establishing the filler nature of the Disney portion of CoM.

While much of the game serves as a recap for anyone who might have missed out on the original Kingdom Hearts, the new story is still engaging enough to traverse through, and the action is still fast and addictive despite the slower-paced RPG adjustments. Whether for first timers or double dippers, Re: Chain of Memories is a worthy addition for fans and newcomers alike, offering a solid 30 hours to complete (and that’s not counting the additional story and character available afterwards).

Pros:

Improved graphics and controls

Fun, customizable card-based gameplay

Engaging story with solid voice work

Cons:

Many assets re-used from first KH game (including the camera)

Disney areas offer nothing new

Boss fights often prove frustrating

Retroactive Reviews: Penumbra: Requiem

I never reviewed a trilogy before. It was a fun experience for me, especially since I worked to have my reviewes reference each other.

It’s just too bad that the last game in this promising series had to end up being such a snoozefest. Did the developers just run of steam, or money?

Well either way, here’s my last review for Penumbra (if there’s a part 4, I’ll be somewhat surprised). Street Fighter IV is out next week, so I might do an article related to it this week.

And as always, check the direct link to my review here.

Penumbra: Requiem

The first Penumbra (Overture) was an interesting dish of horror and mystery, with a small order of combat salad that was pushed to the side yet occasionally picked at for its croutons. Black Plague, the second game in the trilogy did away with the combat entirely in order to strengthen its horror elements, with puzzles complimenting the tense surreal imagery instead of contradicting it.

For Requiem, the third and final game in the Penumbra trilogy, Friction Games decided to remove one more gameplay aspect in some experimental attempt to strengthen the remaining elements.

It’s just too bad they decided to remove the horror aspect in order to focus squarely on the puzzles. Survival Horror? Try Survival Puzzler.

That’s right; there isn’t a single enemy encounter in Penumbra: Requiem. If some of you preferred to go into the game not knowing that, thinking that the uncertainty of what may be lurking away in the dark unknown was part of the experience, sorry for the spoiler, but sparing everyone else the disappointment takes priority.

Having discovered the deep mystery laid forth by his father (and leaving an e-mail for someone else to actually solve it), Phillip decides to finally escape the deep hallways and dark catacombs once and for all….maybe. While the virus infecting his body and mind may have been contained, it hasn’t been eliminated entirely, resulting in memory loss, déjà vu, and twisted proverbs that would’ve gotten him an F in English class.

But on the plus side, his humorous wit seems to have improved, considering his situation.

Yet aside from some bits of dialogue pouring through loudspeakers, journal entries, and the subconscious mind of this delusional physicist, all of Requiem’s areas are straight forward paths linked together by weird portals, requiring players to collect a set amount of keys before advancing forward. Read that again: instead of dodging monstrous creatures, you’re collecting keys. How cliché could this game have gotten?

Much more cliché, it seems, because the solution for most of the game’s puzzles involve one simple tried and true gameplay mechanic: Crates. Whether it’s stacking crates, tossing crates, creating crates or even teleporting crates, there isn’t a single puzzle that can’t be solved without crates. If the developers really thought moving crates around with the HPL engine (named after H.P. Lovecraft. You knew that all along, right?) would be fun, they probably missed out on the last twenty years of gaming.

There’s also a sewer level, filling in the quota that every game with a dark setting must require a trek through the Ninja Turtles’ home of discarded pizza boxes.

As a whole, Requiem is best looked at not as a sequel, but as the final area in a game spanning across three discs. Even so, that delusion hardly excuses the lack of any imminent danger, or even interesting puzzles. Another annoying change is that key items are no longer saved in the inventory screen; all items must now be held with the left mouse button and dragged to its appropriate location. Does climbing stairs while holding a piece of firewood in order to light up a furnace sound fun to you? If so, Penumbra: The Crates of Wrath is the perfect game for you.

On the upside, the flashlight no longer requires batteries, giving off an infinite supply of light that the glowstick no longer serves any purpose…unless the notion of a flashlight never running out of battery life creeps you out (few else in this game does).

Should you manage to stay awake long enough to reach the finale, you’ll be given a choice that leads to two endings, provided you collected all of the hidden artefacts up to that point. However, even though this is the last game, the ending in both scenarios is as abrupt and anticlimactic as the previous games’ cliffhangers. At the very least, the final third of the game contains one of the oddest references to a classic Nintendo game seen in recent memory (you’ll know it when you see it). It’s a unique touch in a game sorely lacking in them.

It’s unfortunate that the finale to such a promising niche title ended up as such a formulaic bore. Should you be interested in purchasing the Penumbra collection, you could still play Requiem to wrap up the twisted narrative for good, but as a standalone title, Penumbra: Requiem of a Crate is hardly worth your time or patience.

Final Score: 64%

Retroactive Reviews: Penumbra: Black Plague

Howdy everyone. Just dropping in my 2nd review of the Penumbra Trilogy. You can find the direct link here.

Feel free to read it before or after the Super Bowl (or heck, why not during?). The first official trailer of the G.I. Joe movie is supposedly playing during commercials. Hope it looks entertaining, a good old fashion action flick where Cobra Commander bombs France and Flint kills 2000 COBRA troops while making out with Lady Jaye during the after shower.

….wait, Flint and Lady Jaye aren’t in this? What a load of horse shit. And don’t even try to tell me that Snake Eyes and Scarlett are cooler. Seriously, don’t.

Penumbra: Black Plague

Penumbra: Black Plague wastes little time putting players back in control of Phillip, the most troubled physicist since J. Robert Oppenheimer. With the exception of the opening narration (in which Phillip makes like a Myspace user and tells us how we must understand his inner pain and torment), the 2^nd entry in the Penumbra trilogy begins in such a fast matter, it’s almost as if the previous game had an “Insert Disc 2” message preceding the abrupt ending.

Despite possessing similar aesthetics and control schemes, however, Black Plague contains a presentation removed enough from Overture that it could stand on its own as a legitimate sequel. The abandoned mines and collapsing caves from the first game have been replaced with dark hallways filled with dead lab assistants and the safety hazards that did them in.

Despite having more than a passing resemblance to the hatches from Lost (right down to the enigmatic, blurry instructional video, but thankfully no super-secret code that must be inputted on a daily basis, as that would be a really boring game), Black Plague’s locations are much darker, much more varied, and most importantly, much more interesting than Episode I’s cliché interiors. The story takes a much darker turn as well, with the secrets laid forth by Phillip’s father steadily unraveling through violent experiments and the most talkative, most sadistic, and most Brooklyn-accented virus ever seen in a video game. As annoying as the talking tumor may be, it also gives developer Friction Games a valid excuse to borrow Silent Hill’s trippy visual effects, forcing players to question what may or may not be real.

But in the end, that question is ultimately irrelevant, because pain is still pain, and survival is the primary goal in this game. The previous Penumbra made it clear early on that combat should never be favored over hiding from the stalking creatures, and Black Plague drives that point home by removing all weapons entirely. It also features an even lower count of enemy types, but the newest monstrosities lurking the halls are much deadlier and much more tenacious than the randomly patrolling zombie dogs and spiders. Just hearing one of these infected husks hobbling about in the distance may be enough to have players frantically spin their wireless mice right off the desk, quickly fumbling in the dark for the batteries that came loose as a result (true story).

Penumbra: Black Plague features the same mouse-heavy control scheme as its predecessor, in which drawers, locker doors, and frozen heads must all be pried open by a left click and a drag motion. Aside from a mostly useless addition of using the mouse wheel (if you are lacking one, I suggest you upgrade your equipment as well as your dialup service) to move objects closer or further away from the screen, the controls remain the same as before, which are serviceable but still suffer a bit of clunkiness when circular motions are required. Some of the puzzles also require a bit of free thinking on just how the game wants players to make use of its HPL engine (of which I hope you’ve figured out the meaning of its name by now. If not, maybe I’ll be kind enough to tell you on the third review. But don’t hold your breath).

And once again, the short length may detract some people from purchasing the game on its own, but aside from being a solid (and spooky) four hours, there are also some unlockable bonuses and even a standalone minigame for sharp eyed players who manage to find all the hidden collectables. Or whoever uses Gamefaqs.

In the end, Penumbra: Black Plague is a much better effort than the first episode of the series, carrying on a darker, more cerebral identity followed by an increase in its scare factor. It’s a good enough experience to enjoy on its own, but it remains to be seen if the third and final entry in the Penumbra trilogy will finally decide if all three games warrant a bundle purchase, of it ends up as the infected, Brooklyn accented black sheep of the trilogy.

Final Score: 82%