Retroactive Reviews: Bayonetta, Darksiders, Serious Sam, Rabbids, DBZ

Been a while since I posted some reviews, huh? While I had submitted a few game reviews on January, they were mostly leftovers from 2009 that wouldn’t garner much attention. I chose to wait until I had some notable games to talk about. And now I do, with two of January’s biggest action titles, Bayonetta and Darksiders.

And what about the immensely hyped, highly anticipated Mass Effect 2? Well, originally I wasn’t going to review this game, since no one had sent it to me, making me a regular customer like the rest of you. However, thanks to an offer too good to pass up, it turns out I’ll be writing for this game after all, with a review that should be ready by the end of the week.

What am I receiving in return? You’ll find out the answer to that soon, but make no mistake: it’s something very exciting, and something that’s bound to make the rest of you very jealous.

But I digress (love that word). Here are the latest batch of reviews:

Darksiders (PS3)

Bayonetta (360)

Serious Sam HD: The First Encounter (PC)

Rabbids Go Home (Wii)

Dragon Ball Z: Attack of the Saiyans (DS)

Ten Things I Hate About Mass Effect

Welcome to a new segment of this blog. It…doesn’t have a category name as of yet. I think I might drop the whole double-letter standard for my other sections.

One constant inevitability concerning videogames is that if a title reaches a certain level of success, a sequel soon follow. Usually followed by another, and another, and so forth. Usually, the second game ends up better than the original, as developers get a better grasp of their technology while addressing the unanimous criticisms of their debut titles. I say “usually” because there are a few disasters that result from experimentation rather than just fixing what’s broken (Prince of Persia: Warrior Within, Xenosaga: Episode II, Final Fantasy II, and depending on who you ask, Super Mario Bros 2 and Zelda II: The Adventure of Link).

But even if a certain title is considered a classic and beloved by many, there’s always room for improvement. That’s how technology works. So with this column, I’ve decided to express my personal criticisms regarding games that are soon to have an extra addition to their family franchise.

With Bioware’s big space-faring sequel just a couple of days away (marketed to such a degree that even I’ve been roped into the hype, counting down the hours until I get to experience the “game of the year”, and it’s only January), I’ve decided to kick off this new feature by looking back at:

10 Things I Hate About Mass Effect

Mass Effect and I have a bit of a funny history: I had bought the game the day it launched on the 360, taken in by the pre-release hype while eager to quickly expand my new console’s collection (I hadn’t owned a 360 until 2007, which just happened to be a landmark year for big exclusive releases).

In less than a week, I shelved the game after about 3 hours of playtime, and never looked back. It wasn’t until 2009 that I gave the game a second shot, via a $10 Steam sale. Perhaps my tastes had expanded, or I perhaps I was taken in by the huge difference in performance that the PC version delivered, but having finally completed the first game, I can say it was an enjoyable experience.

But I didn’t froth over it like most fans. Much like Assassin’s Creed (another title I plan to talk about, even though the sequel’s been out for a good couple of months), I enjoyed the slick visuals, the interesting story and the unique aesthetics, but due to numerous issues, I can’t say I was always having fun.

Those issues include, in order…

10. Janky Controls

Let's hope they never decide to add a multiplayer mode.

Mass Effect is an RPG that pretends it’s a shooter (similar to Fallout 3, although the latter’s results weren’t nearly as bad). It tries to borrow elements from other successful third person shoot-em-ups like Gears of War, such as taking cover and sprinting (or the “trailer run”, as it was coined back then). Unfortunately, the controls weren’t nearly as fluid as the games that served as inspiration. Un-sticking your character from cover was stiff and often a chore to do, while sprinting during a fight felt out of control and resulted in your character getting fatigued in less than a second. Maybe they should have installed a gym in the Normandy rather than an elevator…

9. Elevators

You'd think the elevator music would have evolved by now.

You knew this was going to get brought up, didn’t you? Despised and maligned by even the most diehard fans, the poorly disguised alternatives to loading screens have remained in infamy. It was especially annoying having to take an elevator on your own ship whenever you wanted to chat it up with your alien buddies or visit the shop. As annoying as they are, I never considered the elevators as the worst thing about Mass Effect, since loading is something that affects nearly every game.

8. The Galaxy Map

If you thought the Horse Head nebula was bad, you should see what's on the other end.

Now what possible issue would I have with the navigation map, you may wonder? It’s pretty, it has serene music, the naming scheme for the different worlds and stars are creative, and being able to instantly travel between galaxies delivers the kind of thrill you’d get from Disney’s Epcot Center. The problem I have is that the galaxy map has both too much and too little information.

If you have a sidequest that requires you to visit a certain system and world, the information isn’t displayed, usually forcing you to back out of the map and bring up the quests menu and hope that you memorize which funny-sounding planet on which funny-sounding system you need to warp to. Then there are the filler planets which serve no purpose whatsoever besides adding an unnecessary amount of fictional lore, as well as waste your time to click it. And if you actually found the information on those planets interesting, do yourself a favor and work toward an Astrology major instead.

7. Conversations that drag on, and on, and on, and on

If only they'd add more "punch" options.

Like any Bioware title, Mass Effect is a talkie game. A game with a lot of talking. Most people prefer it this way, and the way you can respond to each conversation is quite interesting, even if most of the dialog choices boil down to “be a nice guy” or “be a douchebag”. But often the game bombards you with ex-positional dialog, with characters rambling on for so long you regret ever asking about their history or back story.

Even though both the voice acting and writing are of a high quality, it still feels at times that characters are basically telling you details that could be summed up in a few words, rather than minutes upon minutes of conversation. Pray for anyone who asks Tali about the creation of the Geth…

6. Liara T’Soni

Come on, a whole comic about her? Is "The Misadventures of Garrus and Wrex" too awesome to conceive?

Despite her lengthy conversations and kangarooster legs, Tali is still a more interesting female character than your other two recruits. Ashley Williams is an alien-hating Michelle Rodriguez (and I don’t mean the “hot punky girl who gets naked” from The Fast and the Furious, but the “trigger happy bitch who almost ruined the series” from Lost), but she’s still more interesting than the blue-colored, sponge-headed Liara.

Utterly bland and boring, Liara’s plot-centric dialog  reeks of convenience, with her only saving graces being her biotic powers as well as  engaging in female on alien female intercourse.

5. Sidequests

What's that? You wish to visit my homeworld? No, no, that won't do. Instead, let's discuss the recent tax hike. I believe from a political stanpoint that the sudden increase in...

Mass Effect’s main campaign is a solid action epic with (mostly) good pacing, but if you only stick to the main story, you’ll be done with the game in less than 12 hours. The good news is that there are hundreds upon hundreds of sidequests and missions that could quadruple that length easily. The bad news is that, with the exception of the DLC, these extra missions don’t hold a candle to the campaign, either in length or level design.

When you’re not helping out whiny aliens and humans settle their dispute with other whiny aliens and humans, the majority of the interstellar sidequests have you visiting a random world that consists of one specific weather pattern (ala Star Wars), driving to a research facility/lab/space station, explore around repetitive-looking hallways and take down a small group of enemies. The lack of variety in both the quests and the level structures feel like you’re just grinding the same missions over and over.

4. Performance Issues

And now you know why Garrus isn't a romance option.

In still shots, Mass Effect looked to have the best graphics yet seen on the next-gen consoles, but it seemed the Xbox 360 wasn’t able to handle the ever-troubling Unreal Engine. Numerous issues hampered the revolutionary visuals, including texture pop-in, an unstable frame-rate, hideous screen tearing, among several other glitches and bugs. The PC version improved tremendously over the hideous console edition, but still had its own share of problems such as popping in the audio, and characters getting stuck on rails, debris and whatever else happened to be in their way.

3. Item and Equipment Management

This looks simple now, but check back when you have fifty guns to sort through.

There’s nothing I hate more in an RPG, Western or Japanese, than a clunky interface menu. If I find a cool-sounding gun or sword from the corpse of my enemy, I want to be able to use it right away. If there’s one advantage that most Japanese RPGs have over Western RPGs, it’s the bare-bones interface for weapons and equipment. Just tell me if the item is stronger than what I’m carrying now, and let me equip it. Mass Effect mostly sticks to this concept, letting you compare items to see which one has the better stats, but several hurdles keep this from being a robust management system.

When shopping, weapons and armor aren’t arranged by category, and instead dumped on your lap like a box of toys from a garage sale. Worse still is that when shopping for squad members that aren’t in your party, you’re unable to compare their currently equipped gear to see if that expensive piece of armor is better or worse than what they’re already carrying. And once you do head back to your ship to manage your group’s gear, you can’t merely equip everyone in one go, but have to choose their individual lockers.

Oh, and did I mention that you’ll be collecting about twenty of each item, which will quickly fill up your meager inventory space? And for the final kicker, should you happen to open a chest filled with awesome looking items, but have reached your 150 limit, you can’t just back out and get rid of your older junk. Nope, you have to destroy the contents of the chest you just opened up. Wave goodbye to that Turian assassin armor, Garrus.

2. The Mako

Please, for the love of mercy, shoot it. Then burn it.

You would think that with the overflowing market of games with cars in them that developers would have driving controls down to a science. On paper, the Mako seems like a cool idea, an all-terrain vehicle that makes traveling a breeze while letting you blast huge Tremor-like aliens to hell and back. Reel back in horror, though, as the Mako is, without exaggeration, the worst vehicle of all time. Using the analog sticks to steer the vehicle should work in theory, since the Halo series did a good job of it, but there should have been an achievement for being able to keep this crappy car in a straight line for more than a minute.

Apparently somebody forgot to adjust the anti-gravity engine on this thing, because just a slight veer in any direction causes the Mako to spin and bounce out of control, as if each planet was a gigantic Moonbounce for a kid’s birthday. You’ll spin out of control, you’ll get stuck on rocks, and you’ll toss your controller/keyboard across the room every time you fall into a pit of lava or three feet of water, resulting in an instant death. Oh, and you’ll be using this piece of shit for 80% of the game’s sidequests.

1. The Citadel

Screw this, I'm going to go play Call of Duty 4.

And now we come to the ultimate fumble of the Mass Effect universe, The Citadel. For all the new players out there, did you enjoy that introductory half-hour sequence? Enjoyed exploring a barren planet while fending off against cool looking robots and zombies? I sure hope you did, because for the next four to five hours you’ll be wandering around a stupidly huge city while performing hundreds of fetch quests for lazy aliens and humans, and wondering when the hell you’ll get to resume playing the game again. Truly the ultimate example of mis-matched pacing, the Citadel crams too much exploring and information for players just getting used to the controls and combat. What is the point of having you agree to an interstellar sidequest if you’re unable to explore that planet yet? Why are you suddenly given access to dozen of shops when you don’t even have enough cash to buy a basic health pack? Why did they think no one would be incredibly bored and ultimately turned off by this stupid city?

Had your first visit to the Citadel resulted in a set path, where most of the city was closed off and eventually made available as you progressed toward the game, it would have been much more manageable. Instead, by tossing me in the middle of nowhere with no set destination (oh, you’re told where to go, but not how to get there. Perhaps if you followed the hundreds of arrows while resisting the urge to talk to that weird jellyfish alien), I instead shelved this game for several years before finally returning in 2009. Considering how smoothly paced and action-packed the remainder of the main campaign is, you have to wonder if the Citadel was some sort of test to separate the strong-willed from the week. Or maybe it was just the result of bad game design. Real, real bad game design.

2009: Waiting for 2010

I think it’s safe to say that 2009 won’t go down as one of the landmark years for gaming. While we did get some great releases that will most certainly be replayed for the next few years to come, the number of heavy hitters released this year won’t compare at all to 2010’s wallet-raping storm of triple A titles.

With two Final Fantasies, a new Mario, a new Metroid, a new Metal Gear, a Castlevania created by Kojima, a revamped Splinter Cell, sequels to EA’s big hits Bioshock, Mass Effect and Dead Space, along with the release of new hardware including Xbox’s Project Natal, Sony’s motion controller/glow wand, and the persistently rumored Wii HD along with several probable releases like the newest Zelda and Final Fantasy Versus XIII, there isn’t a single word that could describe the inhumanely large amount of high-profile releases hitting us in 2010. So I’ll try to sum it up in two:

Holy

Shit.

Despite my eagerness for the upcoming year to arrive, I probably played more games in 2009 than I ever did any other year. Some were new, some were older releases I previously skipped out on during their respective launches, and some were….not very good, but still free, so I can’t complain.

Anyway, I received enough positive feedback on my last year roundup, so I’ve decided to make it a tradition. Here are my personal picks for 2009.

Oh and SPOILER ALERT: Under the Heroine category is a spoiler for Dragon Age: Origins. You’ve been warned.

Game of the Year:

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

Hang in there, baby.

You’re probably sick of hearing all the continued praise this game receives. I recommend you rectify the situation by replaying it for the hundredth time. Even with the pre-release hype and built-up excitement, this mammoth PS3 title still managed to exceed all expectations. Incredible visuals, fluid animation, action-packed gameplay, loads of extras, and lag-free multiplayer….seriously, a Game of the Year award is downplaying this next-gen masterpiece.

Runner Up:

Assassin’s Creed II

The dude in the far left totally wants to join in the fun.

It isn’t often where a sequel addresses and improve on every single fault from its predecessor. And the first Assassin’s Creed had a lot of faults. ACII manages to do everything better and add much, much more in length, content, and extras. After being burned out by collecting stuff during Rare’s N64 releases, Assassin’s Creed II does the impossible and make collecting arbitrary items fun again.

Hero of the Year:

Nathan Drake

This is like a shaving accident compared to the bruises he gets later on.

In the course of Uncharted 2’s story, main hero Nathan Drake goes through more pain and suffering than most game characters experience in their entire franchises. Despite being tossed like a ragdoll from explosions or being critically wounded by gunfire, Drake maintains his charm and wit no matter how insane the circumstances get. His reactions to watching a building crash into another building or blowing up a helicopter with a tank closely match the player’s real-time comments, bridging the connection between player and character that much closer.

Runner Up:

Batman (Batman: Arkham Asylum)

Runner Up? What are you, dense? Are you retarded or something?

Whoa, whoa, whoa…no I did not just list Nathan Drake over The Goddamn Batman. While I would never declare Batman as anything less than the greatest hero of all time, from a gaming standpoint he only kicks just enough ass to make runner-up. The reason for this is while controlling the Bat as he silently takes down thugs or loudly bounds them into submission, in the end it feels more like you’re controlling Batman, but not necessarily being Batman.

Heroine of the Year:

Shale (Dragon Age: Origins)

I always did think "he" had a rather shapely ass....

Yes, the golem you see above is indeed female, or at least used to be female. Whatever gender you want to classify Shale is irrelevant, as the golem’s british-like snark is what wins gamers over. Surprisingly sarcastic for a creature made of stone, Shale’s affinity for crushing human heads into jelly and utter hatred of birds make him/her/shlim one of the funniest RPG characters of all time, and makes the DLC worth the price of admission (for those who buy their copies used).

Runner Up:

Elena (Uncharted 2)

Having her kill a hundred mercs in co-op is strangely erotic...what? it is.

As smoking hot as new character Chloe might be, last year’s model still takes the crown for her resourcefulness, where her idea of improvising involves sudden chase sequences and lots of explosions. April ‘O Neil could learn a thing or two from this gun-toting member of the press.

Villain of the Year:

The Joker (Batman: Arkham Asylum)

No Dark Knight jokes this year. Honest.

Okay, so it’s a bit of a cheat to list one of the most iconic villains of all time for this category, but Mark Hamil’s T-rated take on the clown prince of crime only further cemented his skillful performance made famous from B:TAS. No offense to Heath’s one-time stint, but Hamil will always be the definitive Joker in my book, just as Conroy will forever be the official voice of Batman.

Runner Up:

The Therapist (Silent Hill: Shattered Memories)

Seriously, don't spoil this game. You'll regret it.

Another slight cheat, as Harry’s(?) therapist isn’t exactly a villain, at least not in the conventional sense. But with a series as unconventional as Silent Hill, it isn’t a stretch to picture this guy as having some sort of sinister purpose; there’s always a hint of satisfaction coming from this guy’s tone and expressions as he openly taunts you in the first person. Maybe the tough love is part of his job, but in a game filled with flesh-colored creatures that chase you in dark corridors, it’s this guy who really makes your skin crawl.

Graphics of the Year:

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

A totally accurate game shot. And that's no bull.

It’s impossible to pinpoint just what this game does best visually; between the war-torn streets, the heavy snowfall, the magnificent lighting, the realtime physics, and the superb character models, Uncharted 2’s visual splendor is so advanced that it’s unlikely that a single 2010 title that will outperform it.

Runner Up:

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

It's time to play "Where's Akhmed?"

Already a visual powerhouse, the sequel to Modern Warfare simply applied some extra coats of paint to an already detailed image. Little touches, such as extra foliage, more detailed character faces, and more explosions than Michael Bay could dream up makes this a strong second in a year of great looking games. It also runs at a constant 60 fps, something most current-gen games won’t even attempt.

Soundtrack of the Year:

Street Fighter IV

You can try and pretend not to like the J-Pop opening all you want, but the fact that it stays in your head long afterward proves its power over you. Even if Indestructible doesn’t keep you coming (heh), the soundtrack is filled with great beat-em-up music, including excellent remixes of Street Fighter II’s classic character themes. It’s cheesy 90’s goodness that is not just appropriate, but a true testament that Street Fighter is back in full force.

Runner Up:

Halo 3: ODST

While the newest Campaign leaves little impression in the eyes of multiplayer-hungry Xbox Live players, the music is surprisingly deep. Featuring a somber mix of jazz, piano, and orchestral pieces, ODST’s soundtrack conveys a great deal of emotion where its characters and story failed otherwise.

Online Game of the Year:

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

The green team is lacking in styles (sorry).

The best online multiplayer mode isn’t ODST’s firefights or Left 4 Dead 2’s survival co-op, but Uncharted 2’s lag-free, third person skirmishes and objectives. Simple but effective, nearly every competitive match is entertaining and fully balanced (provided your team is up to snuff), but the real draw is the fantastic co-op missions. Far better than the entirety of Resident Evil 5, these brief missions offer an extra amount of intensity and presentation that’s every bit as exciting as the main campaign.

Runner Up:

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

Not pictured: pre-teen trash talking that barely constitutes english.

Javelin glitch, rampant knifing, the goddamn Akimbo’s goddamn range….people have tried really hard to hamper our enjoyment of MW2’s multiplayer, but the sheer volume, range, and fun of the many modes make up for those occasional moments that you throw your controller across the room. The online world might unforgiving, but pulling off several killstreaks while dropping a predator missile on the opposing side makes coming back worth it every time.

Downloadable Game of the Year:

Shadow Complex

Jumping in this game has more range than Nolan North's voice.

I had the privilege of playing Shadow Complex a week before its official release, which resulted in my Xbox inbox filling up with jealous messages from my friends list. I hadn’t followed up on this game at all until I was asked to review it, but it only took an hour to see what all the fuss was about. A love letter for fans of Super Metroid, with a good dose of Flashback thrown in, Shadow Complex takes an old yet beloved gameplay mechanic and adds modern visuals and polish that almost made this the best Xbox 360 game of the year.

Runner Up:

Plants vs Zombies

When zombies have discovered rubber duckies, you know shit's gotten real.

Who would have thought a game that manages to make zombies cute would also be incredibly fun? This cheaply priced download not only creates an unforeseen adversary for the living dead, but brings some of the most entertaining strategy/tower defending gameplay in quite some time. Who would have thought the zombie apocalypse could be such a cheery setting?

Tearjerker of the Year:

Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days

A rare scene not featuring mopey faces.

While not quite reaching Crisis Core levels of manly tears, the tragic story of Roxas in this prequel to Kingdom Hearts II can be utterly gut wrenching. Despite the incredibly slow pacing, 358/2 Days features many somber moments of Roxas trying to come to terms with his own existence (or non-existence), as well as developing feelings that a person lacking a heart shouldn’t feel at all. The ending borrows a bit from Crisis Core’s climactic moment by mixing gameplay with story to showcase the fated destiny for this fan favorite Nobody.

Runner Up:

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2

You know exactly what sort of person you are depending on how you handled this mission.

Tearjerker isn’t exactly the right word for Modern Warfare 2, but it isn’t a stretch to get an emotional response during some of the more intense moments. The scenes involving a bloody airport massacre, or a familiar-looking neighborhood turning into a warzone, or when a certain landmark state becomes a fallout of destruction create a feeling of dread, showcasing a very real fear that America could easily find itself in overnight.

Story of the Year:

Silent Hill: Shattered Memories

Hey there to my future-self, if you forget how to smile. I have this to tell you, remember it once in a while.

It was a potential recipe for disaster: A re-imagined version of the original classic from the makers of the mediocre Silent Hill: Origins, which greatly strips away the horrific monsters and phallic imagery that made the series famous for four games running (or three, depending on who you talk to). Ironically, by downplaying the horror aspect, Silent Hill has never felt more mature, or more imaginative. With a wise emphasis on the psychological horror that a lonely and disturbed mind experiences, Shattered Memories is a David Lynch-style trek through a vaguely familiar town where none of its residents can be trusted…including the main character.

Runner Up:

Assassin’s Creed II

Heck, if a cute girl asked me to relive my ancestor's memories....

Da Vinci Code knockoffs are so last year, but Asassin’s Creed II’s conspiracy dossiers add an extra amount of intrigue to Etzio’s Monte Critso-style saga. The real-time sequences involving Desmond and the assassin’s guild also stirs up anticipation for the inevitable sequel that should completely take place in a non-Animus setting.

Import Game of the Year:

Demon’s Souls

Don't let this pic fool you; the main dude is outnumbered and most certainly wetting himself.

Even though the game is available now, for the better part of 2009, gamers “in the know” steadily imported this english-friendly dungeon crawler. Brutally hard but also addictive, Demon’s Souls is a unique dark fantasy adventure where dying is not only expected, but occasionally beneficial. A true sleeper hit that should be experienced by every PS3 owner.

Runner Up:

Final Fantasy XIII

Well of course if you can't read the subtitles, you'd assume she's a lesbian. Just look at the hair.

So the lucky Japanese (and impatient importers with cash to spare) finally got their mitts on Final Fantasy XIII before the year’s end, while the rest of us english-speaking weeaboos have to wait until March 2010. Despite complaints about linearity, the general consensus says that FF’s first foray into high def territory is a worthy start, indeed, with a cast of characters who interact and build relationships with one another, unlike FFXII’s cardboard cutouts.

Biggest Disappointment of the Year:

King of Fighters XII

Even head-banging fat chicks can't save this game from mediocrity.

In a year filled with excellent fighting games, you have to wonder what in the hell happened with SNK’s promised “revival” of their beloved fighting franchise. A small cast of characters, an even smaller “Arcade” mode that lacks any incentive, dialog, or even a final boss, and a fully revamped graphics engine that is inexcusably rendered in sub high def. What was once a strong contender to Street Fighter has ended up as the Glass Joe of fighting games.

Runner Up:

Resident Evil 5

Look at it this way, this dude is going to make one lucky lady REAL happy.

Resident Evil 4 was a truly excellent game….one of the greatest games of all time, even. It isn’t a surprise that the sequel wouldn’t be able to match the tremendous achievements of its predecessor, and while the game certainly isn’t bad, it is disappointing how it failed to tweak its dated controls  to match the visual upgrade. The co-op system also removes much of the fourth game’s tension, effectively teetering over the once perfect balance between action and terror.

Douchebag of the Year:

Flowchart Ken (Street Fighter IV)

Truly worthy of archiving and analyzed for years to come.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I love Ken Masters. He may not hold a candle to Ryu, but he’s always entertaining as a quicker, combo-heavy alternative. The real douchebags are the online players who follow a specific pattern of Shoryuken, Shoryuken, and oh yeah, SHORYUKEN. You would think a decent player could easily avoid a single spammed attack, but when the special move in question has a ridiculous range and priority over other moves, followed by brief spurts of lag that always seem to work on your opponent’s favor, the term “Flowchart Ken” has become one of the most recognized (and hated) labels of 2009.

Runner Up:

Morrigan (Dragon Age: Origins)

Who would've thought that bedding a chick would be so much trouble?

One of the first allies to join your group in Dragon Age, it doesn’t take long for you to wonder just why Morrigan joined your group in the first place. Constantly sneering at your every whim and disapproving of almost every action you take to advance the story, this spell-casting bitch would have remained at the sidelines if not for her powerful spells and shape-shifting abilities.

Most Absurdly Proportioned/Dressed Female of the Year:

Ayane (Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2)

Be careful with those things, you'll poke someone's eye out.

At this point it’s almost second nature to roll your eyes regarding a Team Ninja female character, and it’s not like the purple haired kunoichi was ever less than generously endowed. Her newest look in Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 is even more ridiculous, however, since at this point in the continuity, Ayane should only be around 15, and yet she somehow carries an even larger bust and skimpier clothing, the former serving as the forefront of the game’s heavily advertised sixaxis jiggle.

Runner Up:

Rachel (Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2)

The lack of goo action in this game is disappointing.

Despite her appearance remaining unchanged from the previous game, walking blow-up doll Rachel still leaves a lasting impression with her utterly ridiculous design. High heels, black leather, huge guns and even huger…you know…makes Rachel the reigning queen of the G cups.

Goriest Game of the Year:

Left 4 Dead 2

Edited to appeal to sensitive zombies everywhere.

Blood and gore is only natural in a zombie game (unless it’s Plants vs Zombies), but Left 4 Dead 2 takes things to a whole new level with its copious amounts of exposed spines and red juices covering the first-person camera. Apparently the gore was so bad that Australia went and censored the good stuff, resulting in 8-bit style deaths (as in, flickering and fading away). The body count resulting from the protests was probably messier than the actual game.

Runner Up:

Not Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2

Keep your breasts, I miss the red stuff.

Featuring exclusive additions such as extra bosses, extra missions, extra playable characters, and online co-op, the PS3 version of Ninja Gaiden 2 easily seems like the definitive choice for multi-console owners. And yet even with the copious amount of jiggling boobs, it’s hard to cover up the disappointing lack of blood present in this “family friendly” edition. While it’s true that excessive gore does not equal a better game experience, when the alternative is purple mist followed by bloodless limbs, your suspension of disbelief begins to wane….and this coming from a game where you fight giant armadillos and katana-carrying dogs.

It was a good year for:

Fighting Games

Those who once ridiculed your grimaced features now clamor at your mighty feet.

No bones about it, the fighting game genre completely dominated 2009. Fresh from the start was Street Fighter IV, which not only revitalized the public’s love for the franchise, but had them hankering for more late-night smackdowns. They got their wish with Tekken 6, Marvel vs Capcom 2, BlazBlue, among several other titles that resulted in a near-perfect streak of excellent fighting games.

The “I hope it’s good” Prediction of 2010:

Heavy Rain

In a game filled with Uncany Valley, can you tell apart the dolls from the humans?

Featuring a dark and mature setting with no restrictions (boobies!), along with a powerfully emotional story coupled with incredibly detailed facial features, Heavy Rain is shaping up to be the ultimate interactive movie, to the point that you could show it off in the living room to unsuspecting people (at least until the button prompts appear). It’s still unknown if a quicktime-heavy game will be able to hold our interests in the long run, but as long as the story and visuals deliver, this could end up as one of the best non-games ever.

The “I hope this comes out” Prediction of 2010:

Batman: Arkham Asylum 2

Joker must have one HECK of a dental plan.

It’s no surprise that a sequel will be developed for Batman: Arkham Asylum (even though the fact that the game ended up great was a surprise in itself), but before the year came to an end, we were already given a teaser that made our inner goddamn Batmans drool in anticipation. Will Rocksteady be able to pull a Valve and release a sequel to their hit game within a year? With a No Man’s Land scenario along with the promise of Two-Face, we can only hope.

The “No chance of being released in 2010, but I’ll hope anyway” Prediction of 2010:

Final Fantasy Versus XIII

Can we at least get a new image where he's brooding somewhere else?

You would think I would be satisfied enough with two numbered Final Fantasies falling on the same year, but Nomura’s mature action RPG is something I’m still anxiously awaiting. With FFXIII wrapped up and ready to go, the majority of Square Enix media will no doubt focus on Versus, and based on closed theater commentaries, the spectacular footage will only make the wait that much harder.

The “I hope this gets announced at E3, TGS, or Whatever” Prediction of 2010:

Final Fantasy VII Remake

Want to pass the time? Try counting the number of kinks on his sword.

For the second year in a row, the desire for Final Fantasy VII’s big 3D makeover has not waned. With FFXIII finished and Versus getting closer to completion, the Crystal Tools Engine seems like the perfect fit for Cloud and company’s long awaited return. Sadly, Nomura has just recently announced that while Square is well aware of the demand for the remake, development still hasn’t officially begun.

But a lot can happen in a year, and a TGS teaser/reveal will always remain a possibility for hopeful fans like myself.

I’m Off To Disney World

Hey, folks. I’m headed for The Magic Kingdom this weekend for a day of fun, food, and f’n freezing weather in Orlando, FL. I’ll be back by Sunday, and hopefully will have my 2009 write-up ready by then.

I’ve also been signed on to review Darksiders, a game nobody cared about until they actually played it. Let’s see if I end up as one of those folks.

Catch you all later.

Retroactive Reviews: Borderlands, Gyromancer, Modern Warfare Wii

Hope everyone had a nice ChristmaKwanzikah. Even though I feel myself becoming more detached from the season each year, I had a lot of fun this year as well as receiving a bigger haul than I imagined.

My gifts for 2009 include the following:

1. Tom Tom GPS: Something I have sorely needed for a long time, as I have a Ryoga-like capacity to get hopelessly lost while driving. Having never owned a GPS before, I’ve found myself utterly impressed at the accuracy of this device along with its ability to search nearby locations by name, display them as icons on the map, and even warn me which traffic lights contain security cameras. This might all sound old hat for early adopters, but I’m just glad to be up in the technological times.

2. District 9 on Blu Ray: Very surprised I received this gift, as I only mentioned an interest in it once within ear shot. They even sprung for the Best Buy exclusive, including a cute but impractical MNU vest. The movie, by the way, is absolutely stunning on Blu Ray, and features a multitude of awesome extras. If you own a PS3 or standalone player, you need this movie in your collection.

3. Zelda: Spirit Tracks: The only request I made this year, as part of a weekly Target sale ($25). I’ve only spent about 10 minutes on it so far, as I’m trying to finish up Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days before committing to this.

4. Starbucks Card: $25, which means sweet coffee and hopefully a new mug, as my previous one got chipped.

5. Cash: $170 total. Already been partially spent on Toys R Us’ Buy 1 Get 1 Half Off sale, in which I used a $20 gift card I had saved from purchasing Modern Warfare 2. With the deal, I walked away with Silent Hill: Shattered Memories and Final Fantasy: The Crystal Bearers at roughly two for the price of one. Also ordered The Ultimate Matrix Collection on Blu Ray from Amazon as per a price drop. Phew.

6. Hooters Calender: Er…my dad has a buddy who gives these to him for free. I’ve always been against having stuff like this up on my wall, as it makes for awkward glances should company arrive, as well as those….lonely nights….

My Grandma supplied me with the usual assortment of clothes, but surprisingly she picked out some decent stuff this year:

Various tops, including some really wacky yet fashionable Star Wars prints (check out the Stormtrooper skull!), along with a jacket that I’ll rarely ever wear due to South Florida weather. Getting even two days of chilly weather is considered miraculous in these parts.

Coffee: Sweet, sweet coffee.

And finally, we kicked off Christmas Eve in the usual tradition, by serving up the most delicious dish of the entire year.

Want to play a game?

Yeah, up close it’s horrifying, but trust me when I say that this bad boy’s got the tastiest pork this side of town. Nearly a week later, we still have lots of leftovers.

Anyway, this officially makes my last post for 2009. I’ll try to get my annual round-up post ready by the weekend. In the meantime, I’ve got some more reviews for you:

Borderlands

Gyromancer

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare REFLEX

Top Ten Final Fantasy Moments

As you may have guessed from my previous posts, I love the Final Fantasy series. It ranks among my most favorite videogame series, and quite possibly my most favorite series in any media. While I can’t speak for every self-proclaimed fan, more often than not I have found myself personally and emotionally attached to the FF, and especially its characters and mythology.

So much so that I’ve decided to dedicate this post to my top ten favorite moments in the Final Fantasy series. Unlike my previous “Essential Ten” lists, I’ve decided to list these choices in order.

I want to stress that my choices are of my own personal preference, so please don’t consider this an “undisputed” list of the best FF moments, and don’t be alarmed if you don’t see a few classic and universally celebrated moments left out. I had to leave out a few moments I especially loved out so I could break it down to just ten, and I also made a habit to (partially) exclude the openings and endings that the games are noted for, since that would just make my choices even harder to sort out; there are a few choices that lead to said endings, but I chose to list my moments by a collective whole, and not just one specific, prettily rendered FMV. I’ll also be including the wonderful music that helped each scene come to life.

So while Japan players and importers enjoy Final Fantasy XIII, let’s take a look at what I consider the hallmark moments of games past. Also be mindful that there will be spoilers present.

10. Khimari’s Battle For Honor (Final Fantasy X)

Final Fantasy X had a ton of great moments, making it really hard to pick a favorite. And yet, whenever I wax nostalgic about the game, my first thoughts almost always come back to one specific battle between the silent (and criminally underdeveloped) Blue Mage/Dragoon hybrid Khimari and two Ronso rivals who had scarred him (emotionally and physically) in the past. The battle is strictly a one-on-two fight, but doesn’t carry the frustrations of previous single-character battles of FF games past.

The real clincher is how the battle immerses you as you play, as Biran and Yenke continue to taunt Khimari while surrounding him on both sides, and the sheer satisfaction you feel when you give the bullies their comeuppance; from a gameplay aspect, this single fight also gives you the chance to catch up on Khimari’s skills, as you are given a whole arsenal of spells and skills to use during this conflict.

Even though this fight comes and goes quickly, as the plot returns to the group’s objective to save the world, for a brief moment it became the most important fight in the whole game.

9. The Death of Galuf (Final Fantasy V)

Final Fantasy V and I have a strange history. Like most NA players, my first official experience came with the PS1 release, as part of the Final Fantasy Anthologies package. Due to the incredibly inept translation, the infrequent spikes in difficulty, and the painfully generic story(even by JPRG standards), I initially dismissed FFV as a black sheep title that was better off staying in Japan.

However, giving the game a second shot with the GBA edition really opened up my eyes; thanks to a new translation that was by all accounts a polar opposite of the PS1’s version, I had finally realized that FFV was meant to be a lighthearted story, as if it was aware of its tongue-in-cheek nature.

Regardless of how I view FFV and what it was originally intended to be, there was one moment in the game that really stood out for me. After the party has been ensnared by Ex-Death’s trap, the elderly amnesic Galuf, through sheer willpower, manages to break free from his entrapment to battle the big bad wizard to protect his granddaughter Krile (a name I’ll never be able to pronounce. Grill?) from a fiery death. After freeing the child, Galuf proceeds to go mano-a-tree with Ex-Death.

While he’s burning alive.

What results next is an automated battle that’s more like a punishment of Passion-level proportions. Ex-Death unleashes a flurry of the most powerful spells in the game, each attack dealing an overkill of damage to Galuf to the point that his HP should be read as -9999. Yet despite this, the old coot won’t stay down, and through sheer determination he’s able to send the spell-casting shrub (get it? it’s because he’s a tree. nyuk nyuk) packing. Only then does he allow himself to finally rest.

To witness a party member endure so much damage almost makes a sword stab through the back seem tame by comparison. And to further dispel along and tired meme, the surviving members frantically try to revive their fallen friend with every potion and spell in their inventory, but to no avail. And to think this predates the more famous FF death scene by two console generations.

8. I Want To Be Your Canary (Final Fantasy IX)

Often billed as a love-letter for fans by incorporating many nods and references to past games, Final Fantasy IX certainly opens strong with its tribute to one of the most cherished moments in series history, as Zidane and his fellow theater group put on a convincing show for the queen of Alexandria while they make off with her daughter. Like FFVI’s opera, players are given control of the characters during the play, but rather than match up the correct lyrics, you’re participating in a pretend battle while casting crummy special effects, perform a fancy display of swashbuckling (the bigger the applause, the more coinage you can net from the audience), and sneaking around the castle in back to apprehend the lovely princess Garnet.

After two stellar but dark-themed entries, it’s a breath of fresh air to see FFIX’s charming graphics and style tell a lighter tale, and the sheer fun going on during this performance ranks as one of the best sequences in the series to replay.

7. Prishe Regains Her Mortality (Final Fantasy XI)

For an MMO that encourages strong friendships  with fellow online players, it’s somewhat ironic that one of the strongest bonds you’ll make in the game is with a virtual NPC. Chains of Promathia was the second expansion to the already expansive Final Fantasy XI, and many fans (myself included) still consider it the best that the game has to offer. Much of that is due to the well-written story, which actually places your custom avatar as the leader of a non-playable party. Among the group is Prishe, an Elvaan girl trapped as an immortal child due to her cursed destiny. Despite featuring much scorn and abuse from those around her, Prishe’s strong will (and sharp tongue) helped her overcome her stigmatic labels and rise up as a defender of her village.

Even with a skilled party of trusted friends, FFXI can be a very difficult game, and in its pre-patched days CoP was far and away the most frustrating to complete. Fortunately, the payoff was often worth it, as you delved deeper into the story, eventually facing off against the titular God in an incredibly memorable final battle.

When the dust settles, your character and Prishe share a tender moment alone (non-romantically, mind you), as the immortal Elvaan finally drops her stone-walled exterior to confess her sorrow, only to have that sorrow turn to joy as she realizes that she has become a mortal again. As she sits silently while her friends gather together one last time to watch the horizon, the curtain falls on one of the best bonds you’ll ever have in this online adventure.

6. The Raid on Dollet (Final Fantasy VIII)

Final Fantasy VIII had the impossible task of living up to people’s expectations after experiencing the then-revolutionary Final Fantasy VII. Whether or not you believe the game succeeded in its lofty task is entirely up to you, but at least Square was smart enough to focus the majority of its media on the best moment in the game.

Drawing much inspiration from FFVII’s Bombing Mission, Final Fantasy VIII ramps up the intensity along with the visuals (which are such a huge step up, it’s sometimes shocking to believe both games were made on the same hardware) to create an action-packed, adrenaline-fueled war sequence that begins on the outskirts of an evacuated town and works it way up to a showdown atop a huge communications tower, followed by a frantic escape back to the starting point while being chased by a persistent robotic spider that just won’t stay down.

The Dollet mission was also successful in catching players’ interests twice in a row; first used as a pre-release demo to promote the criminally underrated Brave Fencer Musashi, the final game revamped the already impressive mission by revamping the FMV clips with finalized clothing and party members, as well as replace the original music on the grounds that it coincidentally resembled the main theme from The Rock.

Whatever you feel about the game as a whole, there’s no denying that this sequence ranks among the finest on any RPG.

5. Cecil and Rydia: A Bond Formed by Redemption (Final Fantasy IV)

Even though the story eventually “chickens out” by having most of its previously martyred characters miraculously survive, Final Fantasy IV still ranks as one of the darkest entries in the series. This is evident right from the start, as main protagonist Cecil is a Dark Knight whose hands have been stained with the blood of innocent people, all in the name of his king. The young knight is clearly tormented by his king’s orders, but he doesn’t have the will to turn against the man he once respected like a father.

All that changes when Cecil and Kain are ordered to deliver a mysterious ring to the village of Mist, which upon their arrival immediately unleashes a flurry of hell-fire that nearly kills all of the village’s inhabitants, save for one small child who was already grieving the loss of her mother. Shocked to learn that the Mist Dragon that he encountered earlier was an Eidolon controlled by the girl’s mother, Cecil’s actions had robbed the young girl of both her mother and her village in one fall swoop.

Finally vowing to revolt against his former master, Cecil takes young Rydia to safety, and vows to dedicate himself to protecting the young girl, even if she forever hates him. Surprisingly, little Rydia sees the genuine kindness within Cecil, and a familial bond is formed between the two.

From victim to surrogate daughter in one fell swoop, the relationship between Cecil and Rydia is one of the darkest ever conceived in an FF game, but also one of the most endearing. Cecil continues to hate himself for his past deeds, but uses his terrible mistakes to fuel his will to defend the world from his former kingdom, while Rydia’s pure and innocent nature to both readily accept the person who ruined her life, as well as dedicate her own power to protecting Cecil and his future companions proves why she’s one of the most celebrated RPG heroines of all time.

While the dynamic between the two is sadly cut brief as the game moves toward a generic “save the world” plot (including a last-minute revelation that is literally “out of this world”), the tale of a Dark Knight and his Summoner companion is still one of RPG legend.

4. Zack’s Last Stand (Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII)

I really wanted to leave out the spin-offs, prequels and sequels when making this list, and focus only on the numbered FF titles, but Crisis Core’s defining moment was just too powerful to ignore. Even though the game at its core (sorry) was a love letter for FFVII fans, even players unfamiliar with the game’s lore or characters should have no trouble warming up to Zack, the spunky and overconfident SOLDIER who was, by all accounts, a polar opposite of main hero Cloud…which also meant he was much more likable.

Far from a lighthearted game, however, Crisis Core told a grim tale of how impossible it is to fight one’s destiny, and that message was abundantly clear as players were given full control over Zack during his final battle. A battle which even series newbies should know by now is one he doesn’t win.

But despite this, Zack never loses his indomitable will, and rushes to face his impossible odds with a smile. If that wasn’t enough to get you pumped up, the DMV system evolves from a simple and quirky game mechanic and reveals its true purpose…a gateway into Zack’s fading memories. As the DMV gauge continues to break apart and malfunction, you’ll most likely find your own heart break into pieces as the final image displayed is that of Zack’s bittersweet affections for Aerith, an adorable romance that was doomed the moment it started.

As depressing as the game’s message may seem, Zack’s cheerful nature, even on his last moments, inspires hope as he leaves his dreams to his most trusted friend. As Cloud takes up the Buster Sword and silently walks toward his future, the story of Final Fantasy VII comes full circle, and Zack lives on through Cloud, as well as a legion of teary-eyed fans.

3. Celes Leaps To Her Death

Chalk another one for the depressing list. In Final Fantasy VI, there are no shortage of moments where Celes, the former Imperial general who joins the side of good, is suffering, both mentally and physically. The moment you meet Celes, she is seen bound and beaten due to her traitorous actions. For a Super Nintendo game, it was a surprisingly brutal moment during the 16 bit era (though the scene was drastically toned down for the GBA edition), but that was just a precursor to the events to follow.

After the world has been torn apart by the power-hungry madman Kefka, Celes finds herself alone in a deserted island, save for Magitek engineer Cid, who watched over the comatose girl for a full year following the world’s destruction. Grateful for everything he has done for her, Celes decides to fully accept Cid as a grandfather, but their newly strengthened bond is a short one, as Cid’s body has reached its limits from starvation.

While what happens next is purely optional, whether you manage to feed Cid the sufficient quantity and quality of fish to sustain him, the results from failing to save him are far too memorable to ignore. Swallowed by despair and the belief that all of her friends are truly gone, Celes slowly makes her way up to top of a nearby cliff. The few seconds of silence are enough to have gamers arched toward their TV, wondering “she wouldn’t really….”, then gasping as she slowly falls downward, 16-bit tears flying from her face as she plunges to the ocean depths.

Since this would have been the worst Game Over ever, Celes does survive the jump, and ultimately decides to continue forward, now convinced that her love interest Locke may still be alive, but the shocking moment will forever remain etched into players’ brains. It is, without question, the darkest and most depressing scene ever from a Final Fantasy game, and one that most likely won’t ever be outdone.

2. Cloud Remembers His Past (Final Fantasy VII)

With what may be the most popular and most celebrated RPG of all time, it’s very difficult to pick one defining moment in Final Fantasy VII. Many fans have went with the tragic ending to the first disc, but for me it would have to revolve around the events of Nibelheim. The story of Cloud and Tifa’s tragic past, and the downfall of Sephiroth as a world-class hero along with his rise as the world’s greatest enemy remains my favorite flashback moment in any RPG. But it’s the restoration of Cloud’s memories that serves as the final piece of Nibelheim’s puzzle, offering closure to the events of the past and putting everything into perspective.

After nearly an hour of bizzare gameplay, where Tifa must interact with a number of ghostly Clouds that serve as representations of his shattered mind, a hidden memory finally reveals itself, showing that Cloud was indeed present during the Nibelheim incident, only not as the 1st Class SOLDIER he believed himself to be. Instead, Cloud was a no-name Shinra grunt who accompanied Sephiroth and Zack, but in the end became the protector that Tifa always dreamed him to be. After losing consciousness from her near-fatal injury, Cloud rushes toward Tifa’s aid and manages to catch Sephiroth by surprise with a sword to the back (oddly ironic considering how Sephiroth performed a similar feat earlier on). Being nowhere near Zack’s level, however, Cloud doesn’t leave unscathed, taking an even deeper sword-strike to the shoulder by an enraged Sephiroth. Yet through sheer rage, Cloud manages to gain the upper hand and fling Sephiroth to his (temporary) demise.

To me, this moment will always represent the best in FFVII, as by coming to terms with his failures and muddled past, Cloud remembers that even though he wasn’t the hero he thought he was, he still managed to do what nobody else could. For romantics, it also shows how important Tifa was to Cloud, and how much he sacrificed of himself in the hopes that he could win her affection. This revelation makes the following scene between the two as one of the most bittersweet seen in any RPG.

But I only have room for one more, and that honor goes to….

1. The Opera (Final Fantasy VI)

So yeah, in the end I’ve conformed and chosen a scene that is likely on many people’s “best ever” lists. Final Fantasy VII may be the most popular RPG, but Final Fantasy VI (or III as it was known back in the American SNES days) is most certainly the most beloved…if that makes any sense.

Despite the constant and rampant praising for the game, it does indeed deserve all of it, and so does this particular moment. The concept is simple enough, and so absurd that it had to come from Japan: In order to entrap the gambler rogue Setzer and sneak aboard his airship, Celes must disguise herself and perform in an opera, where she conveniently resembles the lead singer, Maria. Once you get past the notion that she is able to develop a perfect operatic baritone in the span of five minutes, you’ll be treated to the greatest graphics and music that have ever existed in 16 bits.

A story within a story, the opera tells a familiar tale of two warring kingdoms, where the fair maiden Maria (played by Celes) is held captive, separated from her beloved Draco. During intermissions, players control Locke as he checks in on Celes before her debut scene, and the two begin to develop a budding romance. The defining moment is Celes’ solo monologue, where players must choose the correct line of dialog to continue the play. It’s a simple but incredibly rewarding moment of interaction, as you are literally making music together with Celes. Throw in a scheming octopus and some improvised dialog, and you have a sequence that is not only terrific to look at, but fun to play as well.

It’s amazing how a small, ultimately filler moment is remembered as the defining moment for Celes and Locke (the music performed by Celes eventually becomes her theme during the course of the story), but in truth it goes beyond that: I can say, with full confidence, that not only is the opera the greatest Final Fantasy moment ever, it’s the greatest moment in the history of videogames.

Retroactive Reviews: New Super Mario Bros. Wii

Still not done with the new article, but I do have a big name review for you all.

New Super Mario Bros. Wii

I’m also catching Avatar on IMAX 3D today. Hope it’s good.

Retroactive Reviews: Dragon Age Origins

Just a quick update while I currently write up my review of New Super Mario Bros Wii. As my first review for RPG Site, here is the first Bioware game to not put me to sleep.

Dragon Age Origins Review

I’m also working on a new article that I hope to have ready in the next few days.

Retroactive Reviews: Motorstorm PSP, LostWinds 2, FIFA 10 Soccer

Had a real busy couple of weeks, writing two research papers for college, making this year’s Thanksgiving one of the more hectic in recent memory.

However, I did receive a sweet set of packages earlier this week, almost as some sort of karmic reward for dutifully finishing my schoolwork.

Shown here are my next three reviews for the month (and possibly the last three for this year).

Borderlands: An interesting and highly addictive Quest-driven FPS that had the unfortunate timing to be released alongside Left 4 Dead 2 and Modern Warfare 2. Seems like good a time as any to devote time into it and offer my personal thoughts. I was given a PAL copy of the game, but fortunately it’s one of the few 360 titles to be region-free.

Modern Warfare Reflex: Real odd to release this port during MW2’s highly advertised release. It shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone that the visuals have taken a massive downgrade, but do the motion controls make up for it? You’ll know soon enough.

New Super Mario Bros Wii: I was kind of set on receiving this game as a Christmas present for nostalgia’s sake, but Armchair Empire decided to give me an early X-mas gift. I still concede that the lack of online multiplayer really hurts, but you don’t need me to tell you that this game is still worth getting.

In fact, in preparation for Mario, I made a personal purchase of my own.

The BOSS controller wrap for the Wiimote is, quite frankly, boss. While the buttons are a bit more stiff than what you may be used to, it’s still a comfortable and ultimately essential addition for playing Wii games requiring a sideways-Wiimote interface.

Also purchased the little Shyguy there because, hey…Shyguy’s awesome.

Meantime, here’s some more reviews to check out. Two more have been recently submitted and pending approval.

Motorstorm: Pacific Edge (PSP)

FIFA Soccer 10 (Wii)

LostWinds: Winter of the Melodias (WiiWare)

Modern Horror in Modern Warfare

I’m trying to have my review of Motorstorm: Arctic Front ready by Friday, but it isn’t easy pulling myself away from Modern Warfare 2. I tried to have it ready the day before the game’s launch, but the excitement proved too distracting.

I bought the game on launch, naturally. Just the basic vanilla edition for poor old me, and they sure made the package inadequate; I can’t remember the last time I bought a game with a manual so small.

But who cares, really? There is hardly a gamer on the planet who wouldn’t purchase this highly, highly anticipated sequel. Well, except for Wii owners.

In case you’re wondering, I’m not reviewing the game. The purchase was a personal gift from me to myself, and you don’t need me to tell you that it lives up to the hype, and then some. Incidentally, you didn’t need me to tell you that Uncharted 2 was awesome, but I digest.

I’m using this post to talk about one specific aspect of MP2, namely the level titled “No Russian”. You might have heard from the usual (and bitching) sources about a controversial moment that takes place in the game. You’re even warned upon starting up about the impending moment of terrorism, and are even given the option to skip it without missing any achievements.

You’d be missing out on a crucial setup to the game’s heavy-hitting story, though. Having played through it, I wanted to share my thoughts about this one level, as it’s been a while that something in a videogame got me to thinking so profoundly.

I’ll spell it out in big letters for those of you skimming through:

WARNING: SPOILERS FOR MODERN WARFARE 2 LEVEL “NO RUSSIAN”. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

The original Modern Warfare was no stranger to controversy and shock value. In the game’s second level, you are thrust into the POV of a usurped middle eastern president who is being driven to his public execution. The entire sequence was quite brutal, giving you a front row seat to a first person bullet to the brain, delivering a level of virtual reality few other games have the stones to carry out. And I loved Infinity Ward for it.

It wasn’t much of a surprise to learn that MW2 would feature a similar moment meant to convey the required emotions for dealing against a violent terrorist. In the sequel, the event doesn’t occur until the third level (or fourth if you count the tutorial prologue); before the level starts, you’re given the explanation that you’re in the POV of a CIA agent posing as a Russian terrorist, who has been placed to earn the trust of the established villain Makarov, while secretly gathering intel on Makarov’s true objective (as if his public reports about “more bombings” and “death to America” weren’t obvious enough).

It didn’t take much to know where they were going with this, and I was already on the edge of my seat once the level booted up. Taking place inside a Russsian airport, Makarov and his men casually stroll inside while decked out in full killing gear, and without any demands or primary announcements, they begin to open fire on all the unaware civilians. And you, the “hero”, are privy to this horrific act…and are given the option to partake in the event.

I haven’t yet seen what, if anything, occurs if you choose not to open fire on the civilians. It could be that there’s no penalty for playing the pacifist in this scene, and Infinity Ward merely wanted to give players the option to engage in the murder spree while coming up with their own moral choices; maybe some players begrudgingly open fire, giving in to their virtual orders that they must give up “a piece of themselves” in order to “save many”; maybe some trigger happy GTA fans happily engage in the violence, repressing their inner desires to commit such atrocities in real life (God hoping). Me? I took the actor role and directed my shots at nearby vending machines, exploding signs, and just mainly pretended to be shooting at the panic-stricken public without actually hitting any of them. I did a 2nd run where I did freely shoot up the airport, and came out feeling worse than I did the first time.

Make no mistake, the game revels in the shocking violence occurring, but it doesn’t glorify it; the haunting music, the terrified screams, and the half-speed pacing indicates that this is an evil event that you’re witnessing, regardless of whether you take part in it or not. As a game, I was hoping my actions to not take innocent lives would result in an achievement or such, but again, they probably wanted players to come up with their own moral decisions. Sadly, once the massacre ends, you’re forced to engage against armed security. If you want to finish the level, you’ll have to take these guys down, although they certainly put up more of a fight than the men and women who were slaughtered earlier. It’s pretty disillusioning to witness a horrific event and then immediately resume to playing the game as normal, although MW2 certainly isn’t the first title to pull that (FFVII’s famous 1st disc moment can attest to that. FYI, I lost that battle the first time, and had to witness the tragic scene twice in a row).

Much like the first game, this level ends with a bullet to the brain; Makarov wasn’t fooled by the American’s disguise, in fact his whole plan was based on putting the blame on the US for the attack. This revelation not only brings to light what an evil bastard Makarov is, it also sets up the stage for the worst fictional attack America has ever faced. Suffice to say, the controversial and grimly realistic moments of the game don’t end with this level. In fact, they all originate from it.

Naturally, lots of people are ready to step up and complain about this “player controlled terrorism” from the game, doing everything they can to defraud videogames. I can agree with them in this instance that it is a controversial moment, but like I said before, I love Infinity Ward for having the balls to do it. I felt personally distraught from witnessing the grimly realistic massacre, but I’m also glad that the game managed to secure an emotional impact from me. It only increases my motivation to play through and mow down the bastards responsible, and to ultimately enjoy one of the best games released this generation.